Proverbs 31 Wife/Being Submissive

I admit it. Whenever I hear someone say, or read somewhere, "the Proverbs 31" wife, my eyes roll so far back into my head. Here we go. I for one thinks there are way too many "instructions" out there for the woman and not nearly enough out there for our men. This is why when I read about the 1 Timothy man here, it really did resonate with me and I agree with every single thing she wrote. Nevertheless every time I still hear that P31 woman thing, I cringe. The whole thing always remind me of this song:

Yes. Nigerians I feel especially love the P31 verses because I think it caters very nicely to our "Mommy Martyr"/"Saint Wife" way of life around these parts. All of this contributes to my cringing and eye-rolling.

Let's consider the verses if we can for a moment. First of all, it seems a bit out of place doesn't it? Out of nowhere, like it was tacked on at the last minute, or after a while. This is furthered by the fact that it's the last chapter in Proverbs. But be that as it may, I've also tried to find out more about the context and the writer. P31 is supposed to have been written of an advice of King Lemuel's mother to the King. Many biblical scholars believe that King Lemuel was the same as King Solomon. In that case, the words of P31 are Bathsheba's advice to her son. It is said that she gave this advice to Solomon after a drunken revelry in which he woke up late the next morning, and in waking him up is when Bathsheba gave him this "oracle" or advice. The context I find really illuminates the chapter. Bathsheba essentially admonishing her son over his drunkenness (and possibly womanizing) and in the same breath encouraging him to find a wife of "noble character". So although Solomon is indeed King, and a blessed one at that (1 Kings 10:23) his mother still desires him to have a hardworking wife, trustworthy, charitable, creative, etc. Or, perhaps since Solomon did have many wives, she was just admonishing him to remember the good works of his wife/wives (Pharaoh's daughter?). In the last verse it says "Give her the reward she has earned..."

So there, to me that is the context. For me, I don't want to be Martyr Wife, or Saint Mommy. I just want to be the best person I can be, which does fall in with the P31 woman, but it's not a burden or ghost or yolk that I carry about upon my shoulders. I just want to be a good person. A credit to my husband and children, one who has respect from the community because of her character, good works, and honor brought upon her by the standing of her husband "at the city gates".

Now on being submissive, for some reason many people bring that up also when they talk about the P31 woman, though being submissive is not mentioned anywhere in that chapter. It is mentioned elsewhere in the bible though. Submissive. That is also another word that whenever it creeps into conversations about marriage, my eyes do their thing again or I just cringe. I had to deal with this after I got engaged. What did I believe? and How can it be realistically actioned while still staying true to myself? I reasoned that I agree that there cannot be two masters to a ship. There can only be one master. One person who's word carries a bit more weight in family matters, one person to make the final decision: Yea or Nay. I want my husband to be the head of the household, to enjoy all the honor and respect that position brings. That can never be compromised by anybody. If that is to be so to the outside world, then that has to be so first in our home. This reasoning gave me peace. To me that's what "submit to the authority of your husband" means. I remember having this conversation with Bo when we were talking about role expectations in a marriage. I told him, you are the authority in this home, you are the head of this family, there's respect and honor in it, but there's also responsibility with it. And always remember that the power of your authority comes from my relinquishing that position to you (as directed and empowered by God, but actioned by me all the same). You must love, honor, and respect me for that act. He agreed, and honestly we've never really talked about it since then. I know my husband and I are on the same page, I know he carries me along fully in EVERY single decision, we are equal partners in every thing and every way, yet I know and he knows, that when it comes down to it, he's the decision maker, he's the trump card.

Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone

I'm kind of sad and restless. The hubster's gone off to London for about a week for work, leaving Ms. Wifey (that's me) here by my lonesome. One one hand it's nice to be able to just relax and not worrying about house chores, and just to think I can decide to do dishes at 1am if I want, bliss! But overall, I just want to run back to the airport and be in my man's arms where everything is safe, and where love resides. Recently I've found myself taking the piss where Bo is concerned, I just bury my head in his chest and behave like a kid. I don't know where it comes from but I every thing just seems to melt away when I do that and I DO feel like a carefree, happy child.

Bo & I haven't been arguing recently which always makes me weary. I mean I'm very lucky but we do get along incredibly well, for that I'll always be grateful to God. Sometimes we can go for months without any incident at all, just love love and more love. I had the flu a few days ago and was sitting in bed, just sniffling and sneezing. Bo comes up to me and says "show me how to waltz." Of course I'm thinking he's nuts, it's 10pm! He says no really, show me. Now once in a while Bo & I just either dance in our living room or in our bedroom and I've always tried to get him to do the basic waltz steps but he always looks at me as if I have five heads. So I was quite surprised when he asks if I can teach him. I get up anyway, and teach him the basic box step. Before long we're doing a very very rickety waltz, mind you, but still a kind of waltz and we're just chuckling away falling over ourselves. I felt really really happy then. It's past 10 and we're being silly in our bedroom and it's like even my body has forgotten that it's battling the flu. We have many moments like that are so special to me. The picture up there pretty much sums it up for us, dancing in our living room, me with a wide grin, or a sly smile.

Back to no arguments, is it strange for a married couple to practically go months without even a disagreement? We were out to lunch with some friends last weekend and a friend of mine exclaimed "you guys are so much alike!" It made me laugh so much because originally, we're not alike at all, or so it would seem on the surface, but perhaps we do have much more in common in terms of personality and outlook than I realized. Whatever it is, I'm happy to say my streak of re-falling in love with my husband is still alive and well. I'm thoroughly enjoying being married to the man I'm married to. I'm so blessed, when one considers what happens to others out there. Which reminds me, (boy, it seems I have a lot to say today!), I'm noticing something about myself that I can't really explain. Whenever I see a couple that seems more "couple-y" than Bo & I, or just extremely happy and in love, I start getting competitive about it, as if we're the only ones that should be that happy! Isn't it ridiculous? Like I like the reputation Bo & I have amongst our friends that we're the "IT" couple that whenever I observe a couple "threatening" our title, I get jealous. It's funny to me. I should be happy for them, instead I'm thinking, gosh, I hope Bo & I still look this cute... it's just one of those things :-)

Bo Answers! Part Two

I'm sorry I've kept the second part of Bo's answers to your questions. They've been answered for some quite some time now but other things have gotten in my the way of my posting it. Either way, here it is now. I can't even remember the answers he gave but do enjoy reading!

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5. How did you know you met the one? Where there other ladies you felt could also become your potential wife before meeting /choosing Kemi? How did you know Kemi was the one for you?
a. How did your christian faith inform your interactions with Kemi?

b. Culturally, what makes you different from the other men in your culture? Is it easy for you to go against the grain?

I don’t believe in ‘the one’. I believe that for any person, there is a small set of people with whom a marriage relationship can work. I also believe that this set probably changes over time. Were there other ladies that I felt could also be my wife? Yes, there were other friendships that I considered. Why Kemi? She was my best friend at the time when the prospect of being married started to sound ‘cool’. A little mundane perhaps but I didn’t have the ‘this is my wife’ moment.

I believe my faith informs all my friendships (I continue to pray that it does) Regarding a mate (btw I hate that expression), in my single days, when dining alone I always prayed for the person who would share the meal with me as my wife (if I got married), that God would prepare us. When I dated, the prayer would be a little more specific to the person I was dating but also with a caveat in case my wife was still out there. When I had decided on Kemi as my wife, I dropped the caveat and started praying about our life together.

What makes me different from others in my culture? I’m not sure that I’m really different. I hope I am but I fear that I’m not. I live in a deeply patriarchal society in which men really do have it all. Despite this, I try to stand against what I think is unfair and in all my dealings (within or without my marriage) I try to not be patriarchal and to treat women truly as equals. My conviction in this regard also includes speaking up whenever you see inequality anywhere but I fear in this regard I’m not doing as good a job as I should.


6. How do you feel about your wife gaining weight or having stretchmarks after having a baby? Is there pressure to lose the weight?
a. Your wife works, but would you ever want her to stay at home? Does her working affect you in anyway?

This is a hard one because I know how particular Kemi is about always being physically fit so irrespective of what I think I believe I would just have to bite my tongue when it comes to that. Also I feel part of the baby weight gain would obviously be my fault, since I’m part of it all so I just see it as part of the sacrifices we both have to make to be parents, and there are many sacrifices on both parts, and weight gain is not the biggest one. So no, I don’t think there’s pressure from me for her to loose weight because I’m sure she would already be putting herself under a lot of pressure to loose weight.

I’m not that fussed about her staying at home right now. I would hope that we can reach an understanding later on what’s best for our children especially in their earlier years but that’s a conversation I’m willing to have as it comes up since our needs and our situation may be different then. Right now her working affects me positively: money in the bank! And also negatively because her work can get highly stressful and that is something we both have to share.

7. How do you resolve conflicts?
a. Jealousy in marriages, from both sexes, is it good or bad? Also can it be dealt with & how, from your perspective?

We resolve conflicts with difficulty but ultimately by talking and talking. And it’s not always easy because sometimes you just don’t want to talk or you don’t to hear what the other person has to say. But what I’m learning is that the best results are achieved when we talk with reduced emotional hit, so when the emotions are not running high and we’ve both taken time to separate from it.

I don’t think jealousy in a relationship is good because I think it breeds mistrust and/or suspicion, which can lead to saying things that you really don’t mean. It can be dealt with sometimes but it has to be two ways, because there’s dealing with what makes the jealous party jealous, and also making sure that you don’t engage in behaviour that makes the other person jealous.

8. I always thought that guys who were always talking about sex and being very shallow about it were just immature and I sort of labeled them as the bad guys. I've recently come to find out that about 98% of all males think this way, some of them just do a better job at hiding their thoughts. Could you talk about this? Hopefully this isn't too out there for you.

This is an interesting question. I mean yes, guys have sex on the brain. But that said, depending on your relationship with the guy, he would handle it maturely or immaturely but make no mistakes about it, it’s on the brain. So whether he says it or not, he’s thinking it.

9. Your wife sounds like a hopeless romantic from her posts and someone with a lot of expectations of love and marriage as well! Honestly, are there days you feel overwhelmed and not up -to meeting up with her expectations. How do you cope with instances where you just want to be left alone and do not feel up to the “us” thing.

More often than not I do feel overwhelmed, but it is something I knew about before I got married so I prepared myself mentally for it. Yes I do get times where, not that I don’t enjoy her company I do, but there are times I want to be more mundane and not romantic even though I know Kemi likes romance. It’s all a learning process. I cope with it in a mix of ways. Sometimes I put myself through the discipline of being romantic even if I don’t feel it, and other times, I try to make up for my being unromantic by just showering her with kisses. And she loves kisses, so that helps many times. Haha.

10. What advice do you have for some of us women that are like your wife, in the sense that we crave for attention from our better half, in the reality of marriage?

There’s nothing wrong with craving attention. So don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. You just have to understand that there are some times that your other half may not be forthcoming with the attention you want in the way that you want it but you’ve got to roll with it.

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I think some of the answers are directed to me! *wink. Lol.

Re-falling in Love

This is something I've mentioned before but not sure I've done a full blog post on it. You see, from my perspective, one of the best and absolute glorious things about marriage is the unexpected "re-falling in love" with your spouse. This is something I've never thought about before and certainly I don't recall anybody talking about it within my hearing. As Bo and I are steadily moving towards 2 years of marriage, there have been several instances where I've caught myself falling in love with my husband all over again. The feeling is like the first time. That moment when you look up at the other person and just realize that to you, they are just the best creation God ever created, and you're just in awe, or you just think that other person is just...the best ever! I catch myself looking at Bo with new eyes, filled with adoration anew, feeling so lucky and so blessed.

This all sounds good but the process of 're-falling in love' with your spouse is not a pretty one. I'm now in that phase and this morning started wondering, well wait a minute, what brings this feeling on? I think I experience this "re-falling" in the days, weeks, months after Bo & I have had a mid to serious disagreement/falling out/fight. About two weeks ago we experience what I would term the biggest falling out we've EVER had. There were tears, there were hours of talks, it lasted a few days, yes days (though whenever we fight we still tend to cuddle together at night, nothing should get in the way of a good cuddle! lol). There were threats of "this just isn't working out for me", oh yes, the whole she-bang. As a side note, friends are always amazed when they're hanging out with us and make a quip about how cute and perfect we are and I tell them well we had a big fight this morning. For some reason no one ever believes us! I count this as a blessing really. But continuing on with the story, it was REALLY bad. I have to say even right in the middle of one of the many outbursts during the few days of the "fight", I had promised a friend I would cater for her birthday party so I was cooking in the kitchen. Even though we were going at it as I was cooking, Bo still said "what do you need help with?" and then started to chop up veggies etc. And even though we were both upset to the point of exhaustion, I remember thanking God that we still worked together as partners and got things done. I know it sounds like we maybe were just having a little tiff when this happened, but believe me we were having the LOWEST moment in our relationship and marriage. Yet my husband rolled up his sleeves and we got to working together in accomplishing a task. This is amazing to me.

After fighting for what seemed like constantly for about 3 days, both Bo and I were just exhausted. We gave each other breaks but we were still constantly talking. Then during one of these talks, for some reason the communication finally clicked, we both felt we were being heard and we both understood each other. I had started praying fervently, fervently for God to really give me the Spirit of Forgiveness. I did share with Bo that I was struggling with letting my anger go and that I need help with that because I was ready to let it go. He just nodded his head and said he understood and hugged me. God worked in us, he really did. When you go through arguments with your spouse, for some reason we always come out feeling stronger and more melded together than ever. Like Bo & I agreed, when you share all your ups and all your downs with a single person, no one else has those very shared experiences, just you two, that's the magic of marriage, of two becoming one. You start to forget the lines that separate you two as individuals because you are now experiencing life in the same way, in the same prism. Your good days are also their good days and your bad days are also their bad days. Maybe it's the romanticism of this that creates that feeling of falling in love over again.

Last week Bo & I were visiting with a friend of our who's is single but just frustrated about relationships etc. Bo started talking to him about what he believes about relationships: communication, validating the other person, respect, etc. Everything that was coming out of his mouth sounded like such wisdom I had to actually look back at him half-amazed. My husband is SMART! I was really impressed and said out loud "see, this is why I married this man". Swoon. AND he tells me at least once a week that I'm gorgeous. Swoon. AND he still showers me with "million kisses" every single morning....SWOON. :-)

Overheard in the BoKem Household

Bit of background: while I love our flat where we live, we have been here for a few years and quite frankly I'm getting tired of it and I've been itching to move to a bigger place. Bo knows this. Also we have empty land in Ikoyi.

Bo: What do you think? So it seems we should be able to start building our own place on that land next year, but the catch is that we would have to stay in this flat for two more years {taking us to 4th quarter 2014}

Me: Well that's great hon but you know we can't have any babies in this flat.

Bo: Uhm, okay maybe just another year then. {taking us to 4th qtr 2013}.

Me: silence.

Abandoned Blog +1

Have I abandoned this blog? Maybe. Maybe not. I've been extremely busy, but I know that's a familiar refrain. It really is true though. Thing is being extremely busy with work means you have to play catch up with friends and family and by the time that is done, you just don't have the time to sit, think, then compose your thoughts on the blog. I can say that I will do better but I truly don't know I'll play it by ear.

Now on to baby bumps and the biggest baby bump of them all: the Carter baby bump aka Beyonce's Bun In the Oven. I mentioned very early on in the life of this blog that Beyonce and Jayz are one of the couples that I look to and that inspires me (the other are the Obamas). I have to say when I saw her on the View a few weeks back, I said to Bo, I think this chick is preggers. He teased me because he thought I was just thinking that from the song "Countdown" in which she says "I'm trying to make us three..." Bo thinks I'm nuts. Lol. Anyway, I'd like to think I called it early. Ha. But on a serious note any and everything brings to mind my own baby watch and since Beyonce and I are reasonably agemates, the news of her expecting has got me in a conflicting mood. Everyone's having babies! Do I want one?

Last week Bo and I had a serious conversation about babywatch (yet again) and though he didn't say it, my sense is that he's not ready for a child or to be a father. I think he's one of those people who probably won't see themselves in that role until they're nearing forty. I understand that. He also mentioned he's a bit anxious or worried about the possibility of my infertility so he's not sure he wants to jump into that kettle of fish just yet. I understand this also. But I'm left thinking what is it I (ME) want? We went visiting with a friend of ours who has a 4-month old baby and she grabbed me aside and said "Let me talk to you, if you want to have kids, take it from me just do it now and get it over with, just do it. I'm so relieved I have this child now, all the weight is taken off my shoulders, I can move on with my life now. Just do it." Sigh. Now I appreciate her advise and really love her for actually giving it to me, but it's just put so much pressure on me and my thoughts. Should I just do it now and get it over with? If I'm completely honest with myself, I've never been one of those women who sees herself being someone's mother (or even wife for that matter and look how that turned out!). Bo said to me during our conversation "It's not like you can give it back when you're done" and this is so true and hit me. It's not a, "let's just try it..." kind of decision, it's yours for life. What happens when:

1. You don't think you're ready for a baby BUT
2. You're medically at risk for infertility AND
3. You're not getting any younger
4. You're almost sure if you're 50 and don't have a child you'll regret not having the experience PLUS
5. Your hubby is not ready (and you need him to be ready for this kind of thing)

Now some people have all kinds of clever ways to deal with point #5, let me say that I don't subscribe to any of that. I need my husband to be ready (it's just courtesy for another human being's feelings), and to be excited about it as well. So that takes care of that. However there's still the issue of everything put together.

So there's that. Thanks Beyonce for adding to baby pressure....lol. I'm really happy for her though.

Bo Answers! Part 1

I've finally wrangled Bo to finish his answers. The first half Bo wrote himself, and the second half he wrote some and he dictated some to me (while he was ironing his shirt for work tomorrow!). Without much further ado, here are Bo's answers, I'm very much looking forward to the comments.

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1. My question is does Bolaji have an accent? (I dunno why but I've always been curious as you (Kemi) come across as well cultured and you mentioned you have lived outside Nigeria for most of your life, Bolaji on the other hand hasn't, so do you encounter any problems culture wise?

‘Problems’ is a strong word but our different cultural backgrounds do throw up issues. These are usually issues regarding approach to or point of view on any given subject matter or problem. Fortunately it came up early in our relationship – by came up, I mean we both noticed how we differently saw the world and engaged with it. And because we started off talking about everything and we still do, understanding that side of Kemi is easier. I didn’t say easy, (cultural issues still come up), but we have found our rhythm.



a. How has marriage changed you as a person and whether you feel being married has changed your relationships with other people and vice versa as women often experience this problem.

Marriage has made me a more patient person and I’m still learning. You can’t be married to a person especially one as opinionated as Kemi without learning a thing or two about patience. Paradoxically, being married has made me less patient with my relationships with other people. I attribute it partly to the short shrift that I think Kemi gives people but also the ‘safety’ of my relationship that I can run to when people piss me off.

2. I'd like to read a blog post about the many misconceptions he had about women and marriage prior to settling down and what the realities are. Also what he thinks about marriage.

I think my primary misconception about marriage was how difficult it would be. I think my parents, whose marriage I have been most influenced by, have had a good marriage and they make it seem easy. So I had always thought that marriage would be easy especially since I have a ‘relaxed’ disposition. I was wrong. The reality of marriage is hard and by hard I mean difficult - a true partnership is a constant work in progress. Sometimes when I think we get to a good place and that we can coast, I always learn differently. But it is a good kind of work and I am enjoying it J. Its early days yet, but we continue the good work.

3. I know you mentioned that there was a point in time when Bo didn't want to get married (please correct me if I'm wrong). I would just like to know what changed his mind. Was it falling in love with and growing to love you? Or did his ideas of marriage change as he grew older?

Probably the decade before I got married, I didn’t think that marriage was a) a necessary part of growing up nor b) a desirable part. I have to admit that I haven’t fully thought through why I felt this way despite what I think is the reasonably good example of my parents and other couples around me. Don’t get me wrong, I have always appreciated the upsides of a marriage relationship – companionship, etc, I just didn’t think I had to be married to get those benefits.

An issue that does come to mind is that I didn’t (and still don’t) like the dynamic in many marriages that I saw – couples settled into a way of doing things that I thought put one of the couple ‘down’ in one way or the other. This in my opinion is against my long held opinion that marriage should be a partnership in every way.

I think I became more comfortable with the idea of marriage as I grew to understand that the dynamic that I saw and disliked was each couple’s way of making the relationship work for them – a compromise they had come to about how to be married.

Now that I’m married, the challenge I see for Kemi and I in our marriage is striving for that ideal of a true partnership with the compromises we agree on to make living with another human being work, compromises that sometimes mean that a perfect partnership is not possible.

I still don’t think marriage is a necessary part of growing up, but I think my views on it have matured over the last few years. And yes, the person I’m with helped frame my views on the institution and its practical aspects.

What's his favorite thing about you and about being married?


a. I know you once mentioned you were celibate before marriage. How did he handle it as a man (they're often seen as sex-crazed)? Does he think it enhanced your relationship? What are your views on pre-marital sex versus celibacy (by celibacy i mean complete abstinence from all forms of sexual activity )in relationships?

b. What are the top tips you will give single ladies who have reached the marriageable age?

c. From a guy's perspective, what should women consider red flags in a guy they’re planning to settle down with?

Q: What is my favorite thing about being married? A: Waking up next to someone who has also committed to work at this relationship for life. (I think its also the scariest thing about being married). My favorite things about Kemi are her boobs. Ha! Seriously though, my favorite thing about my wife is that she’s an encourager. She naturally encourages everyone around her, not just me but also her family and friends.

About celibacy I think it’s up to the couple. My personal view is that it is a good thing even though I wasn’t throughout my premarital stage, but celibacy is much easier to follow if you never started in the first place. Do I wish I never started? Yes and No. How did I handle it as a man, the straightforward answer is cold showers. Nothing more I can say about that. I do think it enhanced our relationship because it allowed us to talk about being intimate without being intimate physically. I believe it improved our ability to communicate about sex and about intimacy. Although one could say Kemi and I already talked about everything so it only followed that we’d talk about sex as well.

Top tips to single ladies: Look for real friendships. I appreciate that this may not be so simple but I think it was (and still is) an important (if not the most important) aspect of my relationship with Kemi. Unfortunately real friendships require a lot of time, effort and some heartache to develop. Read: its damn hard to do. Maybe this is not so much a tip as a warning.

As for red flags, I think this is a hard question because when talking about someone you want to settle down with you have to think to yourself about things you can live with and things that are deal breakers. Ultimately who you want to settle down with is individual, it is you that has to decide what you can deal with and what are deal breakers. For me, I believe a guy that hits you or abuses you mentally, verbally, or physically is a big red flag. Someone women find a way to rationalize anything but if I were to generalize that would be it.

Let's Talk About Sex

I was reading another blog post when this post came to me and I knew i just have to write about it. I've heard too many times too many women talk and worry about sexual compatibility and what the man is packing or how he is packing. I've seen friends dismiss very lovely men because of some perceived sexual deficiency and others who've waited worry about sexual performance after the wedding. It's no secret that I truly believe that my relationship with Bo was orchestrated by the Divine Himself and I thank God every day that we were both lucky enough to not mess things up too badly.

But I have a story to tell about our sexual history. In the beginning of our relationship Bo and I did embark on a sexual relationship. Where our story takes a wild turn is that as it became apparent that ours was a serious one, we both decided that we were going to be celibate until we were married. Those beginning times were not pretty. I would say Bo and I were not compatible sexually. Based on my experiences I wanted one thing, and based on his experiences he wanted something else. It was very VERY awkward those days. However as it became clearer to me that I was falling in love with this man, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. We started to talk openly about our histories, anxieties, desires, wants and needs. We shared everything about what importance we place on sexual satiety and really I believe this was probably the foundation of us deciding to be celibate later on. Then I decided within myself that I was going to be patient, encouraging, and honest with this man. I wanted him to feel comfortable with me, to feel comfortable trying and failing and trying again. I wanted things to be natural and fun, and with him being a man I wanted him to own his sexuality, his feelings. I was open to learning his style and rhythm and I got over any shyness and was very open about what I liked, how, and when. I think this really helped us, my being willing to teach as it were, what it was that worked for me. So many women don't want to teach because of their shyness or for fear of being labeled. I say don't be afraid of your body and of what it is telling you. I think lastly we just decided to have fun with it, to create a safe fun haven for both of us to express ourselves and enjoy each other. If it's awkward, so be it. We'll get the hang of it eventually.

We hadn't fully learnt this lesson when we decided to go celibate. However I think I'm the loudest testament to the fact that one year and a half year into my marriage, I have the most satisfying sex life I've ever had in my life (and that's saying...well, enough). My husband truly rocks my world and I can say that confidently. Whenever I hear women say, "I can't talk to him because the sexual chemistry is not there", I always think what is that? Trust me, once you fall in love with a man, half the battle is done. Love is amazing. It is the tie that God has used to bind us together and believe me it is perfect. If the guy is a wonderful person, kind soul, thoughtful, and madly in love with you, allow yourself to be swept away in love. The sex is supposed to come later, it WILL come later, and it WILL be fabulous. Don't worry and allow yourself to fall!

PS - For those waiting for Bo's post, he's written about half of it. Honestly at this point, I'm not sure WHEN the other half is going to get written. I'll remind him tomorrow. I have to say, having read a bit of it, it's no where as colored as my writing, very much less mushy and much more methodical, practical, and straightforward. I should have expected that though.