Monday, June 20, 2011


Monday, June 20, 2011
This weekend was amazing.

Bo & I have been going through a rough patch lately. It's a bit hard to describe. When you're one your own and you're having a bad day or having a bad week, you can easily just say to someone, I'm having a bad day and need a drink. But what do you call it when a couple as one entity is having a bad day or a bad week? Either way, that's what we've been having lately. I think we're getting to a very interesting point in our relationship. The excitement of an impending wedding, the excitement of a new marriage, and all of that is wearing off. Now we're just left with us. Which can be incredibly terrifying and incredibly freeing in bits. In the last few weeks I've lost two close friends and gone through a challenging incident at work, and Bo has been dealing with what I can best describe also as a challenging episode at work (to say the least, I really want to say drama). It got so bad that Bo just wanted to walk away from it all. Which is actually fine by me in theory but then we had to think about how we were going to cope with the immediate loss of his salary which is really a sizeable chunk of our household income. I wanted him to leave too so that wasn't the problem. It was just in the midst of everything we both became over worry-ers and after you've shared and communicated your anxieties so much you start to internalize them rather than risk the other person going into a depressive mode.

So it's been challenging. I think by last week though, we just both broke out and CHOSE to not be bogged down about everything happening around us. I think we were just tired of constantly carrying the weight on our shoulders. One of my favorite things about our lives together is the talks we have together in bed on saturday mornings (and some weekday mornings). We'll talk a bit, play around in bed a bit, then talk a bit more. These moments are so very precious to me because I truly believe they keep us connected. We just chatted and decided that things were a bit too heavy lately and we wanted to be fun and lighthearted. So we decided to just take things as they come, whatever they may be, and be lighthearted about it. It worked wonders! All of a sudden we were back to our normal selves. Last week was great but this weekend was just fabulous.

Our friends were getting married on Saturday in Abeokuta so we packed our road trip regulars (snacks, music, gum) and headed out. It was so nice to be able to reconnect on this trip. We laughed and joked. My husband is so funny! I had to keep telling him over and over again that I love his sense of humor. He can make me crack up like no other person. Every time I told him I loved his sense of humor, he would smile a wicked grin and I mentally reminded myself that I needed to compliment my husband more often. That's something I did quite a bit in the months after our marriage but has somehow fallen off. So throughout the weekend whenever he did or said something that I liked or loved about him, I would tell him. His reaction every single time was very much worth it. Sometimes in the midst of everything we do we forget to just say, "I love your smile" or "You're a fabulous husband and you add so much meaning to my life". It's the truth. At the wedding we took a picture and I didn't like it but Bo turned to me with this shocked/confused look on his face and said "You look so beautiful". Instantly I felt better because I reminded myself that I had a husband who tells me I'm beautiful regularly. I mean, how lucky am I really?

Just the friday before Bo & I had gone to a houseparty. I stepped away from a conversation we were having with friends to join another friend. By the time I came back, Bo had also left that conversation. Immediately the two ladies started telling me of how much my husband must love me as he couldn't stop gushing about me and about our wedding. I was actually shocked because Bo never gushes about the wedding, I do! Both girls were told me repeatedly "Nah, girl, he was gushing, we could see the love in his eyes as he was talking about you, he loves you so much." I couldn't help but blush. This guy is pretty special.

This Sunday we went to a friend's house and just hung out with him and a few other friends for a while but Bo & I could barely keep our paws from each other. Just him being there and being around makes me so happy and gives me such a sense of wellbeing and security. Anybody that saw us yesterday would not have believed that we are going through such difficult times in terms of what life is throwing at us: death, work drama, repayment of student loans (ha!), etc. I am very proud of us and how we were able to come back to the center of joy for both of us, and that is our relationship and each other's presence.

PS - Bo ended up NOT quitting and things have been resolved which really is a testimony of God's Grace in our lives.

Baby Update: Bo & I had a rather unexpected talk about our timeline for baby and I'm pretty sure we've moved the TTC date plan up by a few months. I think the birth of one of our close friend's baby has added a bit more pressure to us both than we care to admit. I have to say though that immediately the next morning, I thought about it all again and got unready again. I actually REALLY like the way we live now. I'm not sure why we should willingly add another dimension to it. As of now I don't feel like something's missing but whenever I think of having a baby it's more of the line of thinking of "let me just do it now and get it over with, get everyone off my back" and somehow I don't think that's a good reasoning or environment to push TTC. I want my child to be conceived out of complete love and longing not out of pressure and irrational thinking. Keep your ears to the ground!


Faith said...

this was so great to read! i agree with everything you said and i love how you both chose not to be bogged down by everything going on around you.

about the TTC thing ... don't do it until the both of you truly, truly, truly want it! :)

@ilola said...

One will chase a thousand while two will chase ten thousand. Because of the unity and harmony in your relationship, challenges will be easier for you to overcome.
Thank God for seeing you through this.

Gee said...

Aww @ilola's comment is actually very encouraging! love it!
Great read Kemi, glad u and Bo are sorted and its all truly by the grace of God.

P.E.T. Projects said...

This is exactly why people must look beyond outward appearance and focus on the substance within because there comes a time when the pretty face wont matter so much as how you two can pull through difficult time.

Myne Whitman said...

Awww...don't you just love it?

Nylse said...

i like how you play around in bed! :)

Adenike said...


H said...

It's always a good thing when you can overcome things together as a unit/one body. I'm sure it reminds you of why you chose Bo in the first place or rather why you said yes.

These challenges make you both stronger and by the grace of God, you've both been able to pull through...truly marriage is an institution.

About the baby, like everything in life, if you don't find peace, rid yourself of the idea. There is a time for everything and right now, it sounds like a chore or should I say a I would say, no pressure...when the time is right you'd both know...or your birth control, just wouldn't work...cuz God thinks the time is then...hmmm...who knows?

Nice read.

Blessing said...

Awww...u guys rock!

Sorry about the death of ur friends, may their souls rest in perfect peace

I'm happy that Bo's job issues got resolved


Reading this blog reminds me true love exists and it's worth the wait!

JustDoyin said...

I'm glad u guys are fine now, and thank God for your testimony...Sorry about your friends though.

Anonymous said...

I am finally up to date :)

work politics / drama - not fun, glad its all over for Bo.... babyfund won't be affected :)

I love it when guys gush about things like weddings and their wives - its one thing when the wife does it but it doesnt have the same effect as when the man does it.

H said...

Hiya, I've awarded you a sunshine award.

Gospel Girl said...

Despite the difficult patch you guys seem to have managed to overcome it and comeouts strong. You seem to have such a great relationship. Keep it up!

I read one or two of your old posts, pre wedding and I love the aunthenticity and honesty in all your posts. Great blog gal! :)

ayabaodusote said...

This is so nice and am happy about the obvious love between you guys...ENJOY IT.

And build the friendship before the babies come,trust me it is worth it

ayabaodusote said...

This is so nice and am happy about the obvious love between you guys...ENJOY IT.

And build the friendship before the babies come,trust me it is worth it

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