Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Tuesday, December 22, 2009
This love business is not as easy as it looks. Forget everything you've been told about love and marriage and all this wedding business. Seriously just forget it. I can say truly, hand on my chest, that I have the best man out there: thoughtful, gentle, kind, loving, honest, responsible, ambitious, everything. But somehow things still go wrong and you realize...hmmm, everything is not what it seems.

So I've hated the whole wedding planning thing from the get-go. There's actually not much of it that I liked. The hassle just seemed a bit too much with too much emphasis placed not on the beauty of the moment, the beauty of commitment but satisfying and placating different egos then culminating in creating an event to be remembered and loved by all. I understand why other women would enjoy this, but I've just absolutely despised it from day one. But I had no choice so I hunkered down and focused. My white wedding is a destination one, somewhere that Bolaji and I absolutely adore and because not everyone would be able to come with us there, we decided to also do an engagement ceremony here in Lagos. This process has been a nightmare. Bolaji's parents while having their own charm can be very difficult and one-sided. Then of course some of my family members, whom I've never been close to and don't really know, want to use the opportunity to flex their muscles in my life.

My introduction ceremony was supposed to take place on the 2oth of December but after many back and forths, and tears, and demands, and Bolaji and I decided to take a stand. All the drama and stress is truly affecting our relationship and what is meant to be the happiest times of any individual's life. For us it has turned into a nightmare. An actual nightmare. So both of us sat down and decided to talk to each other about what is important to us. We have decided to cancel the engagement ceremony in its entirety and we agreed not to participate in the introduction ceremony even though we are both in town. I've been told by my cousin that the introduction did take place but he was just there briefly so I still don't know what occurred there and both sets of parents have not called us and have refused to answer their phones. So at this stage I think we're at an impasse.

I want out of this process so badly. The one thing that has stayed strong during these trying times is our love and respect for each other. Last night, Bolaji whispered in my ear, "I can't wait to make it official, to call you my wife, I want to make you happy and I'll spend the rest of my life making you happy". Stuff like this always puts things in perspective for me. This stage in my life is not about the ceremonies, its not even about families, or parents, or anything. It's about me and my him, about the journey we're about to enter into willingly, about the family we're going to create, about having someone to witness your life with you. In our Nigerian culture, there's over emphasis on the outside while the two people on the inside suffer miserably. Mummy and Daddy, and Uncle and Aunt as great as they are, CANNOT make your marriage (but best believe they can break it).


The Saga Continues....(countdown to white wedding and when all this will be over!)
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