Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Tuesday, December 22, 2009
This love business is not as easy as it looks. Forget everything you've been told about love and marriage and all this wedding business. Seriously just forget it. I can say truly, hand on my chest, that I have the best man out there: thoughtful, gentle, kind, loving, honest, responsible, ambitious, everything. But somehow things still go wrong and you realize...hmmm, everything is not what it seems.

So I've hated the whole wedding planning thing from the get-go. There's actually not much of it that I liked. The hassle just seemed a bit too much with too much emphasis placed not on the beauty of the moment, the beauty of commitment but satisfying and placating different egos then culminating in creating an event to be remembered and loved by all. I understand why other women would enjoy this, but I've just absolutely despised it from day one. But I had no choice so I hunkered down and focused. My white wedding is a destination one, somewhere that Bolaji and I absolutely adore and because not everyone would be able to come with us there, we decided to also do an engagement ceremony here in Lagos. This process has been a nightmare. Bolaji's parents while having their own charm can be very difficult and one-sided. Then of course some of my family members, whom I've never been close to and don't really know, want to use the opportunity to flex their muscles in my life.

My introduction ceremony was supposed to take place on the 2oth of December but after many back and forths, and tears, and demands, and Bolaji and I decided to take a stand. All the drama and stress is truly affecting our relationship and what is meant to be the happiest times of any individual's life. For us it has turned into a nightmare. An actual nightmare. So both of us sat down and decided to talk to each other about what is important to us. We have decided to cancel the engagement ceremony in its entirety and we agreed not to participate in the introduction ceremony even though we are both in town. I've been told by my cousin that the introduction did take place but he was just there briefly so I still don't know what occurred there and both sets of parents have not called us and have refused to answer their phones. So at this stage I think we're at an impasse.

I want out of this process so badly. The one thing that has stayed strong during these trying times is our love and respect for each other. Last night, Bolaji whispered in my ear, "I can't wait to make it official, to call you my wife, I want to make you happy and I'll spend the rest of my life making you happy". Stuff like this always puts things in perspective for me. This stage in my life is not about the ceremonies, its not even about families, or parents, or anything. It's about me and my him, about the journey we're about to enter into willingly, about the family we're going to create, about having someone to witness your life with you. In our Nigerian culture, there's over emphasis on the outside while the two people on the inside suffer miserably. Mummy and Daddy, and Uncle and Aunt as great as they are, CANNOT make your marriage (but best believe they can break it).


The Saga Continues....(countdown to white wedding and when all this will be over!)


Sassy Trends said...

It's a good thing you guys are going thru this now... it's not as rosy as it sounds but believe me the beauty of it all is coming out stronger..xx

Miss Natural said...

Awww I do not really know how you are feeling having never experienced it. I hope everything sorts itself out, started reading your blog from beginning and I love everything, from the way you right to the experiences you share, you teach me alot. One thing I noticed is how happy you were when he proposed and all through the journey as chronicled by your blog. So do not let anyone take away the feelings you have inside, if you forget, read your blog again from beginning to the end. Its all about you, Bolaji and Jesus. Ps pls I understand married life might kill the blog but i hope you will be here for a long time coming!!

C'est La Vie said...

***Big hug***

Good Naija Girl said...

I think it was pretty strong of you guys to take a stand...when it comes to weddings (and dare I say Nigerian weddings), it's so easy for the bride and groom to get overshadowed by everyone else who thinks they ought to have a say in the whole thing. Although I don't have a groom in mind and I'm based in Canada, I plan to do my engagement in Nigeria (well, we'll see) and I've already told my mom that I won't allow relatives that barely know me to have a say in how things go down, and the relatives that I am close to can offer suggestions but the final decisions will be made by my husband-to-be and I. We'll see how that works out in reality!

Bolaji sounds mighty wonderful, let me tell you!

Wishing you all the best in your married life!

Anonymous said...

awwww Kemi mehnnnn I love you sooo much, your honesty, your "realness" is gold!
I'm not married...still very much single but from observation of other marriages around me and even from past experience having been in a relationship with someone, I can so relate and to be honest its actually the main reason why when its time for me to say "I do", I won't be having a white wedding. Spare me the drama! Its not about the dress, the flowers or the cake, what people need to know and UNDERSTAND is that the wedding is just a ceremony that will last a few hours, the marriage is the actual relationship which is supposed to last a lifetime. So many marriages would not be as they are today (unhappy, broken, not meant to have taken place in the first place) if couples had laid more emphasise on the relationship and not on cake. Some people in these broken marriages actually missed the warning signs and whatnot due to lack of focus and yeah its all good when your family and friends are 100% behind you in the planning of the wedding but at the end of the day it is you who will spend the rest of your life with that person and not them. When problems come, they may talk for a while but in the end they have their own homes to go to.

Bolaji is so sweet, I'm closing my eyes now trying to imagine my boo whispering such words into my ears, though hes pretty much faceless, lol. *sigh* I can't wait and the conviction in my heart is that he'll be arriving soon, its why I believe I was lead to your blog!

Anonymous said...

*sigh* again.. its annoying that relatives put so much strain on the couple in the run to the wedding preparation like they do not already have enough on their plate..

one can say it is because they want to be a part of the day..

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