Monday, February 21, 2011

In a weird mood

Monday, February 21, 2011

I’m in a very strange mood this evening. Quite a few things going on in my life and sometimes it’s just so difficult to take the time out and just breathe a little bit. I’m a feeling a bit distant from my hubby right now but I think it’s just one of those ebb and flow things and things will flow back around. Sometimes when I’m really busy with work and he’s really busy with work, I just feel that it gets so easy to just not pay attention to each other or be romantic with each other. Last week I had to take a quick trip to London for a training program and wasn’t really looking forward to being away from home but when we got to the airport I had to do a bit of running around to upgrade my flight to first and the minute I came back down, my hubby sighs and says “Kemi, I can’t wait for you to this running around I’ve got to go do some work on project X” I think I got really upset and that must have jump started the distant phase I think we’re currently in. It’s not like we’re fighting or angry at each other, it’s just very blah right now J It happens that way.

While in this not-so-hot phase, I’ve also been thinking about so many things. A few weeks ago, I opened my eyes and rested my head on Bo’s shoulder like I usually do on weekends. Only this time my boo says ever so casually, “I want us to start a family soon, like really soon.” So we proceed to talk about it and we actually settled on a timeline and a start date for us to begin TTC (trying to conceive). All of a sudden it began to feel so real to me. The timeline if you’d like to know is not so far from now. Don’t worry it’s not in the next few months so no countdowns yet as such, but my, it’s quite close. This threw up a few things on my part, I’m not sure I’m ready to have kids. I’m not sure I’ll ever want them really. Then I think okay, I’d want one but that’s only it, ONE. Somehow I don’t think that’s possible. Sometimes I feel like I’m being bullied into this whole phase of my life with both nature and family tying the noose around my neck. I think about it and I get heart palpitations. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person that feels like that, aren’t I supposed to be all maternal and baby-craving at this stage? I’m starting to fear that I’m really not and it scares me to even think what that means.

Moving on to Valentine’s Day (I just remembered I haven’t posted since that long), mine was good but still normal. I have to confess I’m not that into Valentine’s Day as such. I love when hubby makes me feel special but I just don’t necessarily plug in into that whole scene. However my boo made it quite special for me and sent me something in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening, then he cooked me dinner and we had a very lovely time afterwards, wink, wink. I was really impressed, with Bo’s planning that is, and finally had just a little bit of an idea what the fuss was all about!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Questions & Answers

Saturday, February 5, 2011
I wanted to wait until I received 10 questions but I'm not sure I'm going to get there so without further ado, here are the six questions and my rather long-winded answers (WARNING - probably the longest post ever). By the way, the questions were so good I had to share some with hubby.

Your blog is based upon your relationship/marriage with Bolaji. I'm curious, did you get everything you wanted in a mate and if no, what three things weren't included in the package and how do you deal with not having them?

Wow, this is a good question. So good I had to discuss it with Bo this morning while he was in the shower. I am very vocal about telling anyone who cares to listen that I did NOT get everything I wanted in a mate in Bo. I talked about it a bit in this post here. I loosely believe in the 80/20 rule when it comes to this. No one is going to get everything they want but list all the things that are important to you and if the guy has 80% of it, the remaining 20% challenges you to love the person you’ve got wholly. After all no one’s perfect; not you, not me.

If I were to name the things that weren’t included (and it was hard for me to think up), I’ll lump them into Physical, Gift-giving/Celebratory, Romantic. The last two and three are very related because I couldn’t think up a third. Physically - Bo was not the type I would go for, at all. He’s a completely different build and height; Gift-giving/Celebratory – I love to celebrate every little thing that can be celebrated. I love birthdays and Christmases and anniversaries and even St. Patrick’s Day. I love it all. Bo is very much NOT like that. For example, I don’t think he’s EVER given me a card and I don’t think it even crosses his mind lol, on ANY occasion. Which leads to Romance – I think my husband is romantic but in a natural kind of way. Once he came to pick me up at the airport with roses, i.e at Murtala International Airport. So that was pretty romantic. And he does our “thousand kisses” ritual. But romance in that over the top gesture mixed with surprise etc., very much not my guy.

How do I deal with it? With the physical I’ve pretty much just gotten over it and I’m so attracted to him now because he’s no longer a spec but this wonderful person I know. I LOVE that I love this man now and learnt to love him from the inside out. He’s beautiful and perfect to me now. The gift-giving/Celebratory, well, let’s just say I drop hints when I can and when I can’t I try to fulfill my own expectations. So if I want something special I plan something special and not wait for him to do it. This is a work in progress I must confess. I should add also that Bo has been trying to meet my expectations here and that is very sweet also.

I wanted to know, so when you and your husband started dating, were you both at the same level spiritually in your walk with Christ? And at what point did you know he was the one you wanted to marry and same for him? Also, in your dating days, how did you pray about your relationship?

This is a tough question. I think most importantly we both wanted a closer relationship with God and yearned to be better Christians. When we were dating Bo mentioned that he'd had questions in the past about the existence of God, the point of religion etc. and at those points would maybe have described himself as atheist or something like that. I admit I've never had questions to that extent. All through my life God was just there, was God, and He has always been a part of my life. Of course there came I time I had to define my beliefs for myself and establish a personal relationship but I don't think I completely disconnected as maybe Bo did at that time. However unquestionably, my hubby knows more about God's word, i.e the Bible than I do. Unquestionably. Bo can quote fluently from the Bible and knows the stories and characters in the Bible. He does this better than most people I've met. I think we're a good match in the sense that I believe I'm more spiritually in-tune and more adept at communicating with God but He's better at the follow-through. So for example this morning I said Bo I think we need to spend more time in God's word, I feel a distance in our spiritual life and he says ok, we have to start daily meditation again, let's pick a specific time and commit to this. So without him I might have just felt the distance, prayed one or two times and lapsed again and without me he may just never even feel the distance. So we're more of a team now.

I knew he was the one I wanted to marry when one day my brother had to take an exam he had been studying for for quite some time. It was important. We had just started dating and I think I mentioned this exam just once to Bo months before. On the day of the exam he calls me to ask if I'd spoken to my brother and how the exam went. I was impressed at his thoughtfulness. That day I went home and started thinking, wait a minute, this man has everything I say I want in a companion/partner. I knew that day. I think if you would ask him he would probably say when I got a job transfer to the states and he knew he didn't want to be without me.

Honestly, I can't remember how I prayed about the relationship. I think I prayed mostly for God to prepare me, that if this was my husband, that I can be what he needs me to be and he can be what I need him to be. The day I finally said yes to him being my boyfriend I remember vividly going into the bathroom of the restaurant we were in, and saying to God, "okay, okay, okay, I hear You loud and clear. I'm going to jump in wholly now, with no safety net but You have to guide me oh, I'm only going to follow your leading." Then I called my Mom and asked her to pray for me and for us.

How did you and Bo meet (you don't have to give specifics that will reveal your identity - a general answer like a friend introduced us would work too)? How old were you when you got married? What do you and your hubby do to keep your marriage fresh and spicy?

Bo and I met at Newscafe, we were in a group of friends.

As for age, well, let's just say I'm still in my twenties and I've been married for almost a year now ;-)

Well, we have date night once a week where no phones are allowed and we are not to hang out with other people. Just the two of us. We also take trips together often. Not big deal holidays but mini-vacation trips. We could just go to IITA in Ibadan, or Kaduna, or Ekiti, or Enugu, for the weekend. Or we go to an African country close by that we discover all by ourselves. Another thing is communication. We talk and talk about everything. I mean everything. If a large mosquito bit me I would probably tell my husband about it. Everyday in Lagos brings something new so the conversation is never stale. Lastly, I mentioned before that I keep a book of sex tips by my bedside cabinet and we actually do them! No matter how outrageous. We go shopping for lingerie every so often, we look out for and try new positions (many times giggling and laughing out loud at how ridiculous we feel lol), introduce warming gels etc. The sky's the limit, we just have fun with it.

You mentioned you had fertility issues, what is it and how are you and Bo coping with it.

Hmm, I really really really want to talk about this because I feel that women aren't open enough on this matters. I think one day I may share more on this but for now my advice to anyone is that almost nobody is "barren" for no reason. I use barren because it's the harsh term most people use around these parts. Usually there's a reason for one not being able to conceive. I would say check your hormones, check your thyroids, go and see BOTH an endocrinologist and a gynecologist. If you're trying to conceive have your husband do a count as well.

My story's quite unusual in that I most definitely was not trying to conceive and wouldn't have even known anything in particular was wrong. However, I randomly had a dream one day where I was in a fertility clinic. It was completely random and the dream was more than that but I won't go into details. The next morning I went to the doctors and asked them to check me out. I had had thryoid issues in the past and from there the doctor checked a lot of things and turns out I had a condition similar to (but not) PCOS - polycystic ovaries syndrome. It's quite "easy" to fix, requiring me to take a pill a day until I have my first child at which point it may correct itself or not and I'd have to essentially take the pill everyday until I hit menopause. Bo is extremely supportive. At this point we don't know how difficult it will be unless we start trying and we have not started trying so no point worrying about it. However it has brought baby-having timelines into focus. It's not something we think about often honestly. I think this is mostly because we're not terribly baby-crazed people.

Why so secrective? I just don't get the authenticity of your blog? are you living vicariously through it? I think yes we or I an relate to some of your post but then again I'm like is this person REALLY being honest? why do you have this blog if you can't reveal your identity? Why is it a secret? Post pics and live a free life...

This question, every time I read it, makes me smile. I don't know how to put it but I just want to be honest on this blog, really honest about the good and heartwarming things and the not-so-good and unpleasant things. It's not about me the person but about my experiences. I censored myself so I wouldn't censor the experiences.

I think I'm flattered that anyone would think I'm living vicariously through my blog. I even mentioned this question to Bo. I'm blessed that I have a great relationship. Believe me I thank God every single day for this amazing gift. I think I've done a decent job of posting both the good things and the bad things and the unpopular things. Sometimes even I want to pinch myself, "how did I get here with this wonderful man", I'm convinced it's a blessing from God. I understand that it would be easy to believe that this relationship and our experiences as I blog about them don't exist, but what can I say, they do.

How many people do you think know about you in connection with your blog (except Bo of course!)?

Is there any pressure from your extended families yet about babies?

I'm not sure but I don't think I want to know. I'm sure a few know but no one has said anything to me at this point which is the way I'd like to keep it. Most times I don't think about it at all.

Yes. There's a lot of pressure from one of the potential grandparents. Bo and I now have a standard answer for anyone who asks, "within the next year or two by God's grace, God's time is the best". After we say this we nod and say yes we understand to everything else they say. We both agree that this is something we will do on our schedule alone, God willing, and no other person's.

Thank you for all questions. It has been interesting and insightful answering them.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Let's Try This

Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I've seen some bloggers (or blog friends as I call everyone to Bo) who've done a question and answer thing on their blog and that got me thinking whether anyone who reads my blog may have questions they want to ask me. I do try and keep this blog a bit anonymous (if you think you know me please don't say anything or I'll probably have to shut the blog down, thanks) so I most likely won't answer questions that would obviously point to me but if anyone has maybe anything in their minds they'd like to ask me, please send an email to

If I get up to ten questions then I'll post the ten questions and answers on my next post. If I don't well, I'll still post the answers to the few.

I'm a bit excited and nervous about this but also interested to see what my blog friends are all thinking, so please go ahead, I can't wait to read the questions!
Till My Dying Day © 2008. Design by Pocket