I’m in a very strange mood this evening. Quite a few things going on in my life and sometimes it’s just so difficult to take the time out and just breathe a little bit. I’m a feeling a bit distant from my hubby right now but I think it’s just one of those ebb and flow things and things will flow back around. Sometimes when I’m really busy with work and he’s really busy with work, I just feel that it gets so easy to just not pay attention to each other or be romantic with each other. Last week I had to take a quick trip to London for a training program and wasn’t really looking forward to being away from home but when we got to the airport I had to do a bit of running around to upgrade my flight to first and the minute I came back down, my hubby sighs and says “Kemi, I can’t wait for you to this running around I’ve got to go do some work on project X” I think I got really upset and that must have jump started the distant phase I think we’re currently in. It’s not like we’re fighting or angry at each other, it’s just very blah right now J It happens that way.
While in this not-so-hot phase, I’ve also been thinking about so many things. A few weeks ago, I opened my eyes and rested my head on Bo’s shoulder like I usually do on weekends. Only this time my boo says ever so casually, “I want us to start a family soon, like really soon.” So we proceed to talk about it and we actually settled on a timeline and a start date for us to begin TTC (trying to conceive). All of a sudden it began to feel so real to me. The timeline if you’d like to know is not so far from now. Don’t worry it’s not in the next few months so no countdowns yet as such, but my, it’s quite close. This threw up a few things on my part, I’m not sure I’m ready to have kids. I’m not sure I’ll ever want them really. Then I think okay, I’d want one but that’s only it, ONE. Somehow I don’t think that’s possible. Sometimes I feel like I’m being bullied into this whole phase of my life with both nature and family tying the noose around my neck. I think about it and I get heart palpitations. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person that feels like that, aren’t I supposed to be all maternal and baby-craving at this stage? I’m starting to fear that I’m really not and it scares me to even think what that means.
Moving on to Valentine’s Day (I just remembered I haven’t posted since that long), mine was good but still normal. I have to confess I’m not that into Valentine’s Day as such. I love when hubby makes me feel special but I just don’t necessarily plug in into that whole scene. However my boo made it quite special for me and sent me something in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening, then he cooked me dinner and we had a very lovely time afterwards, wink, wink. I was really impressed, with Bo’s planning that is, and finally had just a little bit of an idea what the fuss was all about!