HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

My birthday was last week and I've just turned 20-something, lol! Boy time does fly by so fast doesn't it? I'm quite very close to my thirties now and all of a sudden I'm feeling mature, wiser, and old-enough (to do damn near e'rythang!). Usually I'm one of those people who has to celebrate every birthday in some way shape or form, but this year there wasn't much of a celebration. Bolaji and I are in seriously saving mode for the wedding so every celebration is quite muted. Earlier in the month we celebrated our anniversary and in times past we would have gone out to a really fancy expensive restaurant and bought it each other all kinds of gifts, but this year we just went out to a nice little Italian restaurant here and had a quiet time of it. We have a little tradition we started which is that I get a new Jewel By Lisa outfit on my birthdays (great tradition right? I love JBL) but this year I just told my babe to hold off on the JBL for now, later when we have a bit more cash he can buy for me. I could tell from his eyes that he was really appreciative of my thoughtfulness and he promised to get me something really fabulous once the wedding/rent bonanza next year is done.

Even though my birthday wasn't filled with monetary abandon, I still managed to pack in a lot of fun. Hung out with friends and family and took in a few concerts that had me sleeping late for most of the week and just completely exhausted by the end of the week. Bolaji was joking around with me saying that it's because I'm old and don't I know that the body is not like it was before? He's a joker jo. At the end of my birthday, my babe went to buy me suya and Moet Nectare Rose and we opened up the suya on the bonnet of my car, a few of my very close friends were with us and we just stood outside in the parking lot at Oceanview Restaurant eating suya and drinking champagne out of plastic cups and even though that wasn't very glamourous I was very happy in that moment and had everything I coulda ever wanted.

Speaking of getting old there's something that has been tugging around in my mind for a while now. I spoke to the fiance about it and it didn't seem to freak him out as I though it would but it kinda freaks me out. I think I'm hearing my clock ticking, and the ticking is just getting louder and louder even. It has always been a desire of mine to have at least my first child before I'm thirty, I just didn't think thirty would come so quickly! I don't know maybe it's because I'm getting married and I'm going through all these changes emotionally and psychologically that I'm feeling this way. I've learnt since getting engaged the true meaning of the saying "life is in seasons". The season of childhood is there, then the season of being a student, then the season of being a young single person working and making your own money, etc. You never think of it being so different at least I never did, but boy accepting that ring and putting it on your finger ushers in a whole brand new season of life. It's been fun many times, it's also been challenging a few times. You can almost forget how life was in the previous 'season', like for me my life now is SO VERY MUCH DIFFERENT from my life as a single, carefree woman. And I'm not just talking of getting engaged, but when I was truly a single young woman, working and living in Lagos. Now I have my soon-to-be husband to think of and take care of, I have my in-laws, even my relationship with my siblings has transformed. Now I also think about building a home, building a family, laying foundations for our future, and yes of course, thinking about children. This is not a bad thing. Everything you've done in your life as a child growing up, as a young adult has been to prepare you for this particular season. In this season, you TRULY start living.

I look at Bolaji sometimes and I am just so proud of who he has become just as we embark on this journey of life together. When I met my babe he didn't even believe in marriage AND he wasn't too fussed about ever having kids. He actually told me in his words, he could see himself growing old without kids and maybe just co-habiting with a partner. Knowing my babe I know he felt that way at that time simply because those things were so out of scope for him that he just couldn't picture it really. He had just moved out of his home for the first time ever and his fridge was full of food his mother had made for him. He was very much a carefree, high-flying, workaholic, bachelor banker. You wouldn't look at the man and think, ok, the man is ready for a commitment such as that of marriage. But over the years it's like he's blossomed and grown so much into a man. He takes care of me even! Every responsibility that's been thrown at him he's taken it in stride without looking back without complaining. He has changed seasons right in front of my eyes. Anyway let me digress here...back to what I was saying, my clock has been ticking. I told the fiance as much and he just said, "yea?". We've been saving so much for the wedding/rent bonanza that we're also looking forward to October next year when we can start treating ourselves a little bit more, we want to travel a bit etc. Now what that means is that I have to find a way to keep the ticking on mute for a few years. I don't know how I'm gonna do that and we'll see how it works out sha.


Wedding Update!

So I booked my venue this week which is very very exciting! I've also commissioned my dress and I'm currently building our wedding website which is very important as we are having a destination wedding and I'll like to give people as much time and info as they need so they can plan ahead. My colours are apple green, black, and white. What do you think? Green is my favorite color and I think black and white gives that clean, crisp, and classy look. I'm having trouble picking a dress for my bridesmaids though and will need help so if you guys come across nice options that would match my color scheme please pass them along. I'll be booking my photographer and florist next week. As for the trad (which is in 5 months!!!), I am entirely clueless. I think I'm going to go asoebi shopping with my cousin in October, then aso-oke shopping in November, I'm booking my hall next week though so that's good. The traditional is a bit hard to plan without my mother being here so I'm not sure where to go and who does what etc. I am starting to get very excited about it all though!

Bittersweet Homecoming

I'm so upset right now I'm not quite sure what to do or how to behave. What's interesting though is that my blog family is really becoming like family because one of the things I thought of when trying to figure out how to cool down is that I should bring it here knowing that I would get good advice here.

Let me tell the whole story so it'll make sense a little bit. My family is odd. Not in an extremely odd way but you know in that way that I'm convinced everybody thinks their own family is especially...different. On my mom's family there are TONS of them and they do everything together. If you can think of the quintessential happy-go-lucky Yoruba family, that's my mom's family. They do family die, lol. My Dad's family on the other hand, well, they are just special. Suffice it to say that they just kinda prefer to live their lives with a loose, sometimes thin, awareness of kinship. Nothing serious. Their wahala and drama CAN be so much that the best method everyone employs is to just be cordial at best and keep it moving. Which I kinda like anyway. So what's the point of all this family history? In the course of my relationship with Bolaji, it's only natural then that Bolaji has interacted so much with my mom's side of the family. Like they know him and he knows them and everything is good. However my favorite cousins and the ones that we hung out with most often while i was growing up are from my Dad's side of the family. In fact my FAVORITE cousin bar none, just had his second child and the last time I saw him or his wife and first child was at the naming ceremony of their first.

Okay so for about two weeks now I've been telling Bolaji, please I want us to go visit my cousin and his family o. I kept on saying it and saying it and we planned it for today. This was two weeks ago. I even told one of my cousins and she said she will come along that she will come to the house early this morning, we'll go to church together and then go to my cousin's house together. I ran it by Bolaji and everything was set for today. You should also know that this my cousin lives on the same street as my family house (my father's house) which has been locked up for a while and I was supposed to go and open and air it out but I haven't had the time for so long and to top it off, Bolaji had never been there before. I had told him many times that it meant something to me for us to go there and know my house abi? also I'm thinking of having our traditional at the house but I wanted to get his opinion because he would have a clearer eye as to whether we can actually do the ceremony there. (trust me the place is far and hasn't been lived in for over 12 years!!!). So we had planned this whole day.

Bolaji on the other hand, takes polo lessons had been telling me about the squad championships on Saturday (yesterday) for a while too. We just thought okay we'll have a busy weekend it seems, you have polo championships on saturday and we'll go visit my cousin and see the house on sunday. Everything was set and honestly I had been looking forward to this weekend all week! Yesterday coming back from polo, Bolaji tells me..."I'm sorry I didn't know but Polo championships are for two days and will continue tomorrow" of course meaning he's gonna cancel on our (my) sunday. I was soo bummed and I told him so, it put a damper on my spirit. Later on in the evening I'm talking to one of his team mates and he says to me "Bolaji was really great today, do you think he'll be able to make it tomorrow?" But he says it in a way that makes me think it wasn't all THAT compulsory for him to be there. He could have backed out! This made me even more upset like you knew how important this was to me and you obviously and consciously decided to choose Polo over our plans.

We didn't argue or anything, in fact we went out with some friends and partied and had fun but everytime i thought of it I got kinda sad and upset (not you know, anger o, just upset). When we got back home, I called him and just told him that I had to bare my feelings. The minute I told him, the whole emotion was just let out of the bag and I was so down the rest of the night. Bolaji usually hugs and kisses me every morning before he gets up but he said this morning he tried to hug me and I just turned to the other side (i don't remember doing this by the way) so we talked about it again and I told him that I felt hurt and disappointed and felt like because he wasn't too jazzed about going to my family's it was very easy for him to commit himself to the second day when he should have just told them he couldn't make it because of family commitments. I also felt that if it was something he considered important he wouldn't have blown it off easily, like work, or some other thing HE wanted to do but since it was me, it was easily brushed off. Also I told him about the rule we have: We don't do any extended family runs alone (or parent runs for that matter), the other person (spouse) has to come along. Always. We talked about it and everything, and he's gone now, but I just am so down and can't shake the feeling. I know he has apologized and he has said he's sorry he made a mistake and he'll learn from it and not do that again. I accept that. What else can I ask of him abi? He's said what he SHOULD say. But still I'm finding that that is not wiping the disappointment from me. I keep trying to tell myself he just made a mistake and i'm his fiancee and I should forgive his mistake and move on from it but in my heart I'm still down. I really wanted him to come since it would be the first time he would be meeting anyone from my father's side of the family.

Ah well. I have to just learn to stop holding on to hurt especially if the person has sincerely apologized. But it's hard and I'm praying to God to help me.

WORK WORK WORK

Hello Blog Family! The following pictures accurately depict my last two weeks:






To say that work has been crazy is an understatement. Two of our clients at work decided last minute to accelerate their timeline as a result of something else that was going on so everybody was on extra stressed work time alert. I can tell you that save the past two days (it has taken me two days to come back to normal!), i mean during the past two weeks I think I probably slept a total of 20hrs that is 10 hour each week. I think that was my average. I'm just very glad things have eased up a bit and I can finally update my blog!

Yes where did I leave off? Ok, yes. Bolaji has found out but he's promised in quite an earnest fashion that he wont come on the blog again, like EVER. I believe him. So that wasn't the reason for the lapse in posting. Generally we've been good! Last week was our anniversary and I'm so happy to have this wonderful man in my life. :-) But I just have to tell y'all, that boy doesn't know romance if it hits him over the face haha. My babe tries and when he does do something sweet, it is usually at a time unexpected by me. Our anniversary comes and because I know he is not the romantic type I've been hinting him for about two weeks before the date. Just subtle hints about how this particular one is so special to me and how I want to do something special. First off, my fiance is an investment banker. If you don't understand the full implications of this, check out this website: DABA. The website is highly satirical but some core elements are there like bankers notoriously are married to their job and their time availability follows this. If a banker sets a date for Friday at 7pm, the probability is higher than normal that he'll have to cancel, he'll have to push the time back, or he'll show up late. We know this and we just love them despite it all! Back to our anniversary, Bolaji's boss schedules a meeting for 7pm! Story short, my boo and I go on our romantic dinner around 10pm. Couple the banker lifestyle with my fiance's lack of knowledge about romance and you get a pretty normal anniversary! He is cute though because after that we went to walk by the water, hand in hand and just talking the night away, talking about our love, our marriage, our future, our kids. It was nice. Normal, but very nice. I love my babe, he's my rock and my light. I truly don't understand why people wouldn't want this if they can? I have friends who say they're not looking. They are very happy being by themselves. And I just think about my babe and his love for me, I can't imagine giving that away. This is an absolute journey, a trip, and we're gonna go it hand in hand.

FOUND OUT!

Bolaji has found this blog!

I've mentioned here before that I didn't want Bolaji to read this blog. I told him when I was starting it up so he knows I have a blog but I told him he's not allowed to look for it, or if he finds it, to read it. I'm not sure I was too shocked when last week he finally admitted to me that he did look for the blog, and he read this post. I was not very surprised because I know who I have. The Bolaji that I know is extremely curious about everything. The worst thing I can say to him is, I'll tell you when you get home. He just simply has no patience for that. Now, I'm not saying this is a good thing, but it's just one of those things I've put in my 20%, i.e. no one's perfect right? lol. Thing is I'm actually quite the opposite. You can leave a box with me and tell me not to open it and until you come back to collect it, it will remain unopened. I don't know how I became like that because as a child I was a curious person, but I think I just decided one day that if you go and put your eye into something they didn't call you into, then whatever you see is your own wahala o. So since then I've just lost that extra curiosity.

Back to the story though, so last week Bolaji and I were just talking and he confesses that he found the blog. I was so depressed and down. I wasn't angry I was just depressed. I really wanted this blog to be like an open diary where I can write everything straight from the heart without having to look behind me or having to explain myself to boyfie. Sigh. At first I thought I would close the blog entirely, then I thought I should lock it so only those that register would be able to see it but I think it's important to me to keep it relatively open. So for now, the decision is to keep it open. Bolaji has PROMISED not to stray back to this blog. Let's see. I half don't believe him I think (knowing who I have) but let's play it by ear shall we?

An update from the previous post is: I'm keeping the white wedding! So the destination wedding is back on and I'll keep you guys posted. We went over to my future in-laws house over the weekend once again an attempt to get a final budget commitment from them but like the other times we went there we end up talking and talking and at the end not getting a figure commitment. When we got engaged, Bolaji and I decided that when it comes to in-laws, neither of us will show up alone. So whenever he goes to his parents I HAVE to come with and vice versa. I think this is why they haven't given us a financial commitment so I've asked him to go back to them and ask point blank for a monetary commitment. Bolaji's mom is so preoccupied with our sex lives I think. It is true that the beau and I have decided to be celibate but we don't wear that decision on our sleeves but my new Mom keeps mentioning it and has forbidden us to travel together. Now, THAT for sure I don't think is going to work because we have to travel together for the first planning trip to the destination wedding. I need to let her know and understand somehow that we are both adults and we can VERY MUCH vacation together without sleeping together. I mean we live together. Jesus, please help me and teach me and guide me in which way to go and the things I say with my mouth. Amen.

PS - for those who can't leave comments on my blog :-( I don't know what's wrong with it. I've tried to fix it but it's not working and I don't want to change my layout. Please let me know once it's corrected itself. OR if you become a follower, I think it allows you to post automatically.

Ok, I have so much work on my desk right now, I'm gonna stop blogging at this minute.