Monday, October 12, 2009

All Cried Out

Monday, October 12, 2009
I spent this past weekend crying. I cried so much on Friday and then Saturday I was crying intermittently and then Sunday it got better but there were still times that the tears welled up.

My wedding may be postponed.

My wedding may not happen.

I have been having so much troubles with Bolaji's parents that I don't know the head or tail of it all. Since my relationship started I've tried to do everything the way my mother taught me, respectfully and cheerfully. To be myself at all times and to respect their opinions and principles while not loosing mine. But now I'm starting to get the sinking feeling that they just don't want me in their son's life at all. For whatever reason. They have made EVERY single decision we've made as a couple very difficult. The most excitement I've ever gotten from them both was "so how is planning coming". That is it. The day Bolaji and I got engaged I called my mom and she was so very excited, screaming on the phone and everything, praying for us and congratulating us. When we called Bolaji's parents, his mom refused to get on the phone and the first thing out of his father's mouth was "engagement is not wedding". And that was it. I was upset but Bolaji told me to brush it off that his parents are just not communicative. I feel this was my biggest mistake. If I had known at the time I would have known how to react and I would have insisted on the long engagement both Bolaji and I planned.

We picked our dates over two months ago. Actually, my mom picked the dates and we communicated to Bolaji's parents right at the time and the thoughts and considerations that went it. They wrote it down and agreed. Last week Bolaji's parents informed us they were going on vacation to the same country we had chosen for our destination wedding. We didn't say anything about this because they had mentioned something about it a while ago. We even drove them to the airport and they said nothing. On thursday they randomly send us an email that they will be going to visit our venue since they were already there. I had no problems with this and gave Bolaji the go ahead on that. Later thursday evening, they send us another email saying they had gone to the venue, spoken to the coordinator and that we should be expecting some documents from the coordinator soon. WHAT? apparently they had also gone to a chapel in that same city looking around for the pastor there (this bit is random as we are not even having an indoor ceremony!). And for the final piece de resistance: they think we should change the traditional date because we would be tempted to have sex after the traditional ceremony. WHAT??? so Bolaji sends them back an email saying very politiely that it is almost impossible to change the dates as venues have been booked and all family members alerted. We hear nothing until Friday afternoon, my mom forwards me an email that they had sent to her, essentially rubbishing every single decision and choice we've made about the wedding, and exaggerating a lot of facts. Even worse, the email sounded like they were not aware of all our plans, which they are!!! We even gave them a breakdown budget of all the cost elements of the wedding. My mom was very upset because after Bolaji proposed to me, it took them 1 month and a half to actually call my mother, and when they did they spent 5 minutes on the phone and before hanging up my mom heard them say, "hopefully Bolaji is happy now and will stop bugging us about calling". After the initial 5min phone call FOUR MONTHS AGO, Bolaji's parents have not picked up the phone or even emailed or texted my mom. Until now when they email her saying they want to change the date of the engagement to prevent us from having sex BETWEEN the engagement and the white wedding. Please keep in mind that our court wedding is before the engagement o.

Bolaji suspect that maybe they don't want him to marry me. They've never said anything of the sort to him yet but the whole thing reminds him of his last relationship which ended because of the great pressure from his parents to break up with the girl. If that's the case I need to know now before I make decisions a little too late. They just haven't been welcoming to me. They've been very standoff-ish, as if they are just tolerating me or are waiting to see. They've never showed excitement about the wedding. Me I'm just tired. I only want to go where I'm wanted and barring that, then unfortunately we would have to start our young family remaining distant in their lives.

I cried and cried and even now I get upset when I think of it.

I think I'm going to password this blog.

So anyway, no new wedding update. Bolaji wants to postpone it all. I want to postpone it all.


C'est La Vie said...

aww... pele luv, been wondering wot's up wit u???
I know wot it feels like to feel unwelcomed and have to deal with difficult pple
...but I will only advise u to be patient, as in super patient, once u know for sure in ur heart of hearts that Bolaji is the one, whatever the issue is - it will pass! don't worry :)

yankeenaijababe said...

I feel like both parents have to come together and discuss, I know that feeling. Another thing you can do is to ask hubby to question his parents, let him know why they are acting strange, do they like you? I know it hurts but truth is bitter.

You need to know why they are bitter or angry, the wedding planning should be fun for both parties. I feel so sad you feel this way, I want to give you a big sorry things are happening like this. Be strong!!!

Kemi said...

@CLV - thanks a lot girl, i've been very emotional these past days coming here is one of the only things that makes me feel better. Bolaji is sooooooo the one :-) and i love him more each day!

@YNC....thanks, your constant support really means a lot to me. wow. you're such a wonderful person! Bolaji will be talking to his parents this weekend and we've tabled points that he should discuss with them. Truth hurts but I always like to hear it no matter how painful. God will make a way I know :-) Thanks!

Anonymous said...

:( inlaws eh... we have to be ready for whatever is thrown at us.. must have been so devastating..

Anonymous said...

Wow! Just discovered your blog, it's an interesting read but it's all fiction, right? :)

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