Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Of Brides and Weddings

Wednesday, July 25, 2012
I hated being a bride.  It's not often that you would see this in print but it's true.  I actually googled "I hate planning my wedding" during wedding planning.  No joke.  It was that bad.  I never thought of myself as a bride growing up, I never even dreamt of it.  In fact, weddings to me where something that happened to other people, like cheerleading.  It just wasn't part of my life plan.  Until I became a fiancee and the inevitable had come.

My wedding and wedding planning were not family love fest.  In fact I felt more abandoned than ever. There were no goos and aaahs with my dress, I went alone to all my fittings.  We talked about flower girls and ring bearers but the truth was that no one in both our families had kids small enough yet old enough to fit the role.  After much wrangling, that idea was jettisoned.  I remember getting dressed and it was me and my two bridesmaids.  That's it.  No aunt knocking on the door, no mothers, sisters, cousins, champagne juice drinking or anything like that.  I had tea.  I only took one picture with my mother actually and that on her way to her to take her seat at the venue because she was 15min late.

Another observation in hindsight was that had I known that the fairytale magazine wedding doesn't happen like that for everyone, or that it WAS possible to actually not enjoy parts of the process, I would have taken the time to do things more to my gut.  I ended up having a long dress, a long veil, etc etc, but if I were able to do a do-over I think I would do things exactly how I wanted to, even if it was a little odd or quirky.  Instead of planning the wedding around whether others would have a good time, I should have planned around whether me and Bo would have a good time.

I'm writing on this reflection simply because I've noticed that 80% of my friends who are getting married or are close to it, are so focused on the wedding, and I understand, but consider that it may not be exactly as you thought.  And like I also advice friends about marriage, with wedding planning, you don't automatically stop being yourself.  You still have the same worries, same sense of humor, same wahala, same anxieties as you did before.  So don't necessarily expect it to be a Cinderella story, do what it is that's right for YOU, everything else will fall into place.

9 comments:

P.E.T. Projects said...

Good advice!
I blame BellaNaija for some of the unrealistic goals people are setting for their wedding ceremony. Do you and be happy!

Been a while hope you're good

LadyNgo said...

Madam, its been a while! I agree with you though. IDK whats the point in trying to please everyone else on your wedding day...its is your day and your money after all lol.

wedding planning education said...

Nice Photos and Blogs I Like It

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Anonymous said...

Finally a post.

You so get me. I am not giddy giddy about the whole wedding thing. I wish I could enter a hole and appear married no drama.

@P.E.T. Projects - Gbam!!! I know a certain somebody who is planning her wedding solely with bellanaija only she doesn't have the budget. Her own is that everyone must be wowed. I laugh in Italian. whatever happened to pleasing yourself? Must everything me a show for other people?

wedding planning education said...

Nice Photos and Blogs I Like It

wedding planning education

lamikayty said...

:) I don't hate weddings but I truly had never pictured my wedding day. I wasn't a Cinderella bride and I did not think it was odd I was not that excited about the wedding itself!
My engagement was nice and small (thanks to my dad who insisted) and so unconventional (without an Alaga and yes for a Yoruba wedding). That was my nicest part of the ceremony. Small, intimate, with friends and family I had known all my life!!
Life should be lived not for anyone else....thanks for posting. i had been eagerly camping at your 'door step' for a new post and when it came out, I missed it! :) C'est la vie!

Indian Wedding Planner said...

Very nice post... I like your closing lines... do what's right for you and everything else will fall in place.. the thought shows such a positive spirit and belief.

onyii said...

hmmm, this cracks me up, i just had my wedding last month and i remember the look of horror on my friends` faces when, one week to the wedding, they asked about my dress. i gave them a straight up reply........i don't have one yet. i didnt understand why getting a wedding dress should be some ritualistic exercise...its just a dress...duh. i just felt i could just pop into a shop, rent a dress and look pretty on my day. i tell you that`s how it went down for me....i let my mum do all the worrying, i just didn't care. i just wanted to be in and out of the church and reception with my man by my side. funny enough i was only interested int the church ceremony. that was the highlight of the event....those vows are so deep and powerful...i just wanted to meditate and understand them.

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