Co-Habiting

Okay since we are all friends now let me share a lirrule secret: Bolaji and I live together. Yes we are Lagosians and yes we live together as in together together. I know waht some of you will be thinking as you read this. What? Never me. I understand that. Since all my adult life that was one rule I had, I will NEVER live with my boyfriend ooo, how would he buy the cow (not that I'm the cow oo but sha just to illustrate) why buy the cow when the milk is free. I totally understand. Even then they say divorce rates for cohabiting couples are high and all that. I truly agree with all those points and if I were to advise anyone I'd say do not live with your boyfriend until a ring is on that finger. However for me life just happened and it is what it is - I couldn't kill myself over it.

See Bolaji and haven't always lived together of course. In our two year relationship I just moved in 6 months ago. I was staying at a family friend's flat while she was away in Maryland. However about 6months ago this girl came to me and said she was getting married and her husband says I can't live there anymore that I had to be out by month's end. See me see trouble ooo. I had just left my job and was in between jobs so there was absolutely no money to start renting a flat. Those of you that live in Lagos can understand that coming up with $10000 to $15000 for two years rent is no joke. I was so distraught and had to even go stay at a cheap hotel for a few days. Bolaji got upset at the situation and my wasting cash at a hotel and said to come stay with him while I figure things out, get a new job, and save cash. So here we are still and the bobo has now proposed to me ooo. I'm still thinking of moving out as we have a long engagement but is it really worth paying out the 2 years rent at this point? Hmm, food for thought abi?

Living together has been interesting. We don't fight at all so that is a great thing but it takes a little getting used to each other at first. Another little nugget of information is that my boo and I are practising celibacy. Now I'm not one of those who would go on about this not understanding that religion and faith is a personal journey filled with trials and challenges but Bolaji and I talked about it and felt that as long as we had each other we would strengthen each other throught this decision we have made. I'll go on about celibacy in another post maybe but as far as us cohabitating it hasn't been that bad sticking to our guns. We are best friends so maybe that's why its not as difficult but who knows.

So there you have it! Another blog post by Blackberry!

Keeping Beyonce Outta The Bedroom

I'm sure you've noticed a little lull in posting but I promise its for a great cause! Bolaji and I are back together!!! - reunited and it feels so goooood. Lol. That's me singing and I'm sure you all don't want to hear the live version.

So my project winded up and finished up last week. Well the part of the project that needs me anyway. I was so excited and could barely contain my excitement at finally getting to see my boo. The last few days in Europe was just a blur to me really. This weekend I said sayonara to the beautiful and organized Europe and Hola to Lagos. The day I got in it rained ALL day and I've only seen the daylight perhaps once for about 2 hours. That's Lagos for you. I was hoping I was going to feel some sort of affinity for this chaotic city bt I'm scaring myself by admitting that I didn't miss it at all. I missed my boo and my friends but not Lagos itself. Ah well.

So Bolaji and I have just been loving it up my dears! It feels so good to be in my baby's arms again finally. We had a very busy weekend (as always) but there was tons and tons of hand holding and stolen kisses. I was even quite surprised when I came out of Murtala Muhammed and Bolaji was there waiting for me in the rain with a rose! Isn't he so sweet? I was very pleasantly surprised as I'm always teasing him that he's not romantic at all, but I thought any man that would wait in the rain in Nigeria with a rose for his fiancee has redeemed himself small, lol. I love my babe.

I have to say though that we've already had our first tiff since I've been back! So I've mentioned on this site that I love beyonce and her music very much. Right now I really like the Sweet Dreams song just cuz it's got a different edgy sound that I think is the future of R&B. Anyway so we're walking through Palms Shopping Centre and talking about the Nigerian economy (yea I know we're nerds right?) And in the middle of that the Beyonce song comes up. Immediately I just start singing along so Bolaji knowing not many things can compete with my attention at times like this stops talking. I was just singing the song sha. Like halfway through it he says "so you're not going to talk until it's finished" and I'm like "hmm mm no" and continued singing. Towards the end of the song he says "Kemi finish what you were saying before now" so I shake my head but go in to hug him and he pushes away. I could tell he was upset but I didn't understand it. But I was so tired that day that even after the song finished - just kept quiet. I didn't want to fight and I didn't want an argument. The thing is though, Bolaji and I have promised to each other never to give each other the silent treatment so I knew one of us was going to have to talk sooner or later, but I was just too tired that evening. We bought what we came to buy in silence and walked to the car without talking to each other. As I was walking I started to think about my babe who brought me a rose at the airport, and then that same night whispered in my ear "I pray God grants me the grace to be the best husband to you that anyone can be, to show yo that my love for you is timeless and limitless". I just couldn't keep silent anymore so I said "Bolaji, what happened there? I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel like I wasn't listening to you or our conversation wasn't important". From there we just started talking. He apologized, I apologized and we laughed about it. I love moments like this. I'm very proud of our resolve to talk things through with respect. I'm never afraid of arguments or disagreements I'm only concerned how they are resolved. I pray we remain as level-headed throughout this or glorious journey.

Please forgive any typos I just typed this whole thing on my Blackberry.

MUSHY MUSHY

I miss my babe.

This separation/long distance thing is so tough! My project here is about rounding up though (thank God)and it seems all i can do now is sit and count the days until me and my baby can be reunited again. Everytime I complain to Bolaji he just tells me the story about his mother again. You see, his mom told him this story of once when his dad was posted through his job to Italy for one year. It was a good thing and was seen as some kind of promotion then in his Dad's company. However the whole thing was a bit unexpected and quite sudden, especially for what was a young family still. Bolaji and his siblings were still quite little. His Dad and his Mom talked about it and they both decided that he really didn't have any other option but to go. So they were in essence, physically separated for about a year! Bolaji's Mom tells him that year was the hardest year of her life. She had three young children to take care of and her husband was far away. She had to quickly figure out how to do everything to keep the household running smoothly while still tending and nurturing for the young kids. So because of that story Bolaji tells me, well you know marriage is forever, and there may be times when we have to be separated. So it's better we get a grip now, start learning how to cope so if anything unexpected comes up in the future, it won't be "the most difficult time" of our lives.

I hear all that but I still miss my babe! He's just got a way of making me feel that all is right with the world, and I can do anything, and pretty much just everything good. Whenever I'm strolling in a park and see two love birds I just imagine it's his hands caressing my face or kissing my forehead, or now when I see kids I just picture us as young parents. I feel incomplete when we're not together.

:-(

Okay, let me get a grip. In other news...I have to say I can't believe all the extra attention my mom pays me now. Lol. All the things that previously she wouldn't have even bothered herself about she's now so very attentive. This thing makes people behave weird I think! Well, what else has been going on in the engagement front? Ah yes, I'm beginning to get worried that sooner or later all i'll be talking about is wedding this, and wedding that. I can already see it developing. Some of the things I read just scare me, like how in the world is it humanly possible for ONE individual to plan all this stuff??? It's crazy I tell you. If someone has to deal with all this stuff I can't imainge how she'll find time to have a life outside of the big colossal event she's planning.

Something else I also need to ask you guys out there. So after the ring, what happens? My mother is so giddy with excitement and she wants to call Bolaji's parents (they've never met or even talked) but she says she thinks they're supposed to call her first. Everytime I speak to her she keeps reminding me that she can't tell anyone until they call her. Is this really some kind of strict protocol? And also what happens after that? Does anyone have like a rough timeline for traditonal weddings? I'm so clueless.

I was thinking I was going to get a chance to wallow in my clueless oblivion for a while but Bolaji calls me two days ago and says this "I've been thinking, I know we agreed to a long engagement and all but I'd kinda like the traditional to be in December"! ME: (gulp!) December? What makes this even worse is that just the night before my mom was telling me she wants to do traditional in december and I was just fighting her (not really but you know) about it and trying to get her to move it a bit further down and now my gorgeous fiance now says December...so it's a done deal I guess. Isn't December a bit too close? All these people, I want to wallow in my engagement-ness for a bit :-) Actually my main concern is now the time period between traditional engagement and what we had talked about for the white wedding. Trust me, it's over a year! Who would want to come to our white after that? What do you guys think?