Fast forward to a few years ago when I started to seriously think about marriage, the issue of change of name came up to me again and I decided that in order to be connected to my children I would compromise and just hyphenate my name. Earlier on in our relationship this issue came up and I can still remember vividly the conversation. Bolaji actually doesn't care either way and wants me to do what feels right to me, staying true to myself. I told him at most I'd want to hyphenate but I don't believe really in changing names. He okayed this but gave only one caveat which is that he won't bear the hyphenate name and our children would not bear the hyphenate name which is fine with me. I always say to people I don't care what the kids bear, that's THEIR lot in life, LOL. They think I'm joking but really...everyone has their own life to live.
Anyway so now that the traditional marriage has come and gone, this issue is now at the forefront, it's a burning issue. First, Bolaji and I are a little confused as to whether we are now actually MARRIED. Do we now refer to each other as wife and hubby, mr. and mrs.? How should we introduce ourselves, "meet my fiance?" or "meet my husband?" Almost all our family members i.e aunties and uncles refer to us as married so surely that must count for something? So what I say to people now is that we're in-between :-) Almost married. At work however, they've already changed my name on the system.
Which brings me back to the hyphenate. So I make sure to tell everyone I'd like to be addressed with my hyphenated name BUT NOBODY LISTENS! Everyone, aunties to uncles, to colleagues everyone prefers to say Mrs. so and so. This irks me. I actually don't like the Mrs. moniker and Bolaji despises it! He's of the point of view that it is a moniker that is essentially useless and any usefulness that may come from it should be if one is filling out official forms. Otherwise, in everyday life, he prefers everyone to just go by name. So Bolaji despises Mr & Mrs and it also irks me so why do people keep insisting on ignoring our wishes and still calling us Mr. & Mrs. xXx? I spoke to my uncle this morning because he wanted to send a package to us and he asked how I wanted the envelope addressed and I told him. Would you know the envelope got to me this morning addressed Mrs. Kemi xXx! Sigh.
I have to say not wanting the Mrs. tag adds its own dilemma to my identity. Without the mrs. how would I then like to be addressed? Saying Mrs. Kemi yYy-xXx is not actually correct form so I've been thinking about it and I think my preferred choice would be Ms. Kemi yYy-xXx. And that is if I absolutely must. I'd just rather they call me Kemi what's so wrong with that?
Anyone else hyphenated their name? Any advice on how I can best help my family transition into my REAL new name?
PS - my hubby was working in our home office and just walked out planted a kiss on my forehead and lips and walked back to the home office. I love that man. :-)