Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love U Tomorrow...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


No, my traditional wedding is not tomorrow but it is in FOUR DAYS, if we are counting today. I don’t know how to describe how I feel. It’s been such a difficult journey for me. I think like many young ladies do I too was expecting the usual we see at times like this: mother-daughter bonding, girlfriends giggling with you and supporting you, fun shopping experiences, picking out materials and shoes and decorators with your loved ones, etc. You know, the quintessential happy experience. Mine I have to say hasn’t been like that. It’s been tough. Almost immediately some friendships evaporated. Then almost all other relationships were tested.

I’ve found forging a new relationship with my soon-to-be in-laws a tricky and trying thing. My mother and I are polar opposites when it comes to just about everything and that has really showed these last couple of months. Add that to the fact that for some strange reason my Mom treats and reacts to me like I’m that 8 year-old child of years ago. She says things to me like “I never thought you’d be the first one to marry, I didn’t think any guy would be able to get along with you with your temperament”, or when she entered Bolaji and I’s flat for the first time she exclaimed, “I’m so surprised that the place is clean, I’ve always said to myself I would never stay in your house”. I have to respond that she shouldn’t judge my life by the fact that I didn’t clean my room when I was 11, I’ve lived on my own since I was 17 and 3 of my apartments I lived in without housemates, ALL of which have never been unkempt. I even have a reputation amongst my friends that if you come to my house you have to constantly clean up after yourself cuz I tend to keep my space in that kinda clinical/sterile look. It’s been difficult going through the planning process with these kinds of issues.

Two days ago, a very close female cousin of mine called me to ask me to send her another asoebi material. I had given her her own pack about two weeks ago. Apparently she had taken it to a new tailor who after accepting the material, messed up the dress and cut up the material anyhow so it was unusable. The day she called me I just come back from a 4hr journey into Balogun market (you have to know Balogun to feel me here) and I hadn’t even stepped into my house when she called. Unfortunately I did not have any more of the aso-ebi packs but I promised her I would ask my friend who helped me organize it to get her more. I hung up the phone and called my friend immediately and she said okay she’ll go to the market and bring the new pack to me the next day. I tell this to my cousin but also told her that I had no money to give my friend so she would have to get the money to me asap. She started to waiver and said that she doesn’t know when she’d be able to get me the money exactly but she’d get it to me by the end of tomorrow. So I said okay and called my friend back that she should not come the next day but the day after that, thinking that that gave my cousin enough time to get the money together and get it to me. Only for my cousin to call me back to say why is the lady now coming another day? How come she could come on one day and then all of a sudden she can’t come again? How come this and how come that. I tried to calmly explain what just happened but she cut me off and says well, guess I won’t be wearing your aso-ebi then. While trying to still explain she then tells me that well my friend had better get the material to her by Monday afternoon or there’s no point. I felt so hurt by her words and spoke to Bolaji about the conversation. He encouraged me to sit her down and talk to her about it and after thinking on how to best convey how I felt, I wrote her and email and told her that I was hurt by what she said and how she was talking to me, especially so close to this big event in my life. In the email I had said that just that morning I told her I was worried I hadn’t found shoes yet and was going shopping for them in Balogun, when she called she didn’t even ask me how it went and just started pressuring me on the asoebi. Anyway next thing I know, she calls me back and starts yelling at me on the phone and crying saying that my email hurt her, how dare I say to her that I’m a person too and words hurt? And it’s not like I also asked her how her day went so why should she be asking me about shoes? And so on, that she’s very hurt by the email. That afterall when I picked the asoebi I showed my family friend and not her etc. I’m just amazed because from the time I got engaged this cousin was one of the people everytime I said anything about wedding or preparation she would stop me mid-sentence and tell me how she’s not interested in that kinda stuff, or it my own wahala and not hers, or she would just glance casually at whatever it is and continue reading her magazine or watching her tv. Even on the phone I still said I’m sorry for hurting her but I also wanted her to know that her words hurt me, but she wasn’t listening and was just yelling at me through the conversation. All of a sudden she stops and says fine, bye. I’m so hurt by this lady’s actions. Bolaji says I have to call her again and make peace with her because as a Christian I have to make sure to make peace with everyone who’s offended me or who I’ve offended and I’ve prayed about it but I just feel stuck. While her actions hurt me, I feel like I’ve truly forgiven her. I don’t hold any malice towards her so I’m not sure what calling her would achieve. I’ve apologized to her about everything she said I said to hurt her. She’s the one who doesn’t see that she’s done anything to hurt me. So what am I supposed to say to her when I call her? Plus my ceremony is in just a few days, do I really need all this tension now?

Sigh. I can’t wait for all this to be over. I’ve really not enjoyed the process at all. Maybe when the day comes, the excitement and adrenaline will come and I’ll have so much fun. I haven’t been eating well the last couple of weeks and I think my appetite has gone haywire. I eat odd things at odd times and then I never finish any meal. I take a few bites and just get bored of it.

I took a few pics with my phone camera:


My aso-oke and the material I'll use to cover my head!


The famous bag and shoes



My second lace that 'll change into. I love this lace!



My red lips makeup trial. Not sure I like it. Plus I had an eye reaction to the makeup so always make sure you ask your makeup artist to use sterile equipment as much as possible.


The basket for the groom's family gift. Apparently this basket is filled with fruits and given back to the grooms family as a token of appreciation.


Lastly, anyone that's reading this please take the time out and say a prayer for myself and Bolaji for our upcoming traditional ceremony, for our white wedding ceremony later in the year, for our marriage, for our future children, and for the families we are joining together. May God Bless you abundantly in return, Amen.

25 comments:

Andrea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrea said...

Finally My comment works.. kemi i have been reading all your post forever.. i keep trying to comment but It never works

Andrea said...

I am so so happy for you. I will keep you in my prayer.. Be very strong and all will be well. Remember the day is for you and bolaji and no one else. Focus on your self and your man.You will be fin.As for your cousin..or whatever she is..Call her and talk to her if you want too..I will be back.. Enjoy yourself.. ok babes... and come back with full gist..

Andrea said...

yeepee to future Mrs Bolaji..

Princess said...

I am soooo excited for you. I just started following your blog but my friends and I are going through this stage where we are really looking forward to our weddings and the planning and all that so I love hearing about other people's planning and experiences.
Remember that this wedding is you and Bolaji, not the in-laws, friends, cousins or even your parents. And what God has put together, no man can put asunder so solidify your union with prayers. I am sorry you have had all this stress but this only happens once in your lifetime (by the grace of God), so pray for peace and joy and love. Even in the case of your cousin, pray for the strength to pour out love on her despite how much she hurts you. Recently a flat mate hurt me with her words and actions and even though I feel she was completely rude, the Holy Spirit has been telling me to apologize. I don't even know what for, but the lesson is you have the love of Christ in you so no matter what they do to you, you repay with love.
I'll keep you in my prayers. Best of luckkkkk and God's blessings!!!
Princess
Haha, sorry this is too long! =)

C'est la vie said...

Congratulations girl!
Enjoy every sec of the celebrations, you've come this far, rem. what is important, don't let anyone/thing stress you its not worth it, let it go as soon as its comes. You deserve to be happy and it is your day!!! don't let the devil rob u, back to sender :P Have fun jare. Don't forget to give us the whole gist, min by min update will do lol!!! I'll be praying for you. God bless u both.

doll said...

congrats...hope ur day turns out great..dont let peeps get to you jare....be easy and look forward to your day

doll said...

wow! comment posted...that's a first. LOL

Kemi said...

Thanks so much guys. This blog really is therapeutic, It helps to be able to let it all out.

@Andrea, yippee, i'm so glad the comments work!

@princess, thanks so much for coming by and your kind wishes. the post is not too long ha!

@c'est la vie, of course I'll come back and gist though I'm not sure what to expect and if the day will just fly by without me remembering anything!

Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

awww I'm so sorry about all the stress and drama...pele, I pray that the remaining four day will be full of joy and peace!!!

Your aso oke, lace, etc are sooooo pweety!!! And I so love the red lips!

I'll keep you both in my prayers...May God bless ur union.

Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

btw I looveeee ur blog...I read the whole thing in a day..wat a wonderful testimony!

KayE said...

one thing you need to know is that, you make the day whay you want it to be. Once you decide that no one and absolutely no one can put a damper on ur happiness, beleive it. Its your day,enjoy it with your husband. Omo no look anyone's side jare. ppl will wan to do an undo, its up to you tolet them. God will be with you and bless your union, Jesus name.

From Now Till I Do said...

Dealing with family can sometimes be one of the hardest parts of the whole wedding planning process. Like the previous commenters have said: remember the end game. You and B will become man and wife - together forever!

Btw your trad outfits look hot!

Myne Whitman said...

Let's see if this work?

Myne Whitman said...

Okay! Just to say I've been reading your blog for the longest. I'll keep praying for you guys but you have to take it easy too. Your outfits and that basket look great and the make-up too. All the best and God's grace.

beautiful said...

hmmmmm...do not worry, do not be bothered, God already has you settled ok? He didn't bring you this far to leave you....i'll keep praying for urself and bolaji. don't worry, it's fine....have a beautiful wedding and a wonderful marriage. like the others above have written, this is the first time i'm being able to comment though i've been following your blog for awhile now and read every update...u r protected under Christ's refuge and fortress, thou shalt not fear...no shaking...

~Sirius~ said...

I can finally post a comment?!

My dear, take it easy....Some where deep inside of me, I believe the hassle for this ceremony is not worth it. (Speaking of weddings generally)
I can just imagine myself. I won't bother,
I'll probably just wake up one day (after everybody's approval) walk into a registry and walk out married.
I can't shout.

Did you mention destination wedding? How is that plan going???

Leave your cousin/abi friend, she knows what's doing her.

God be the foundation and keeper of your union.

DarLyn said...

Congratulations!
Just ignore all the side drama. It's your day so you should not let any of those distractions get to you. Just let your cousin do as she pleases don't let her confusion get you upset. Forgive her and let her know you hold nothing against her.
Wishing you a very wonderful married life ahead.
You deserve the best.

June Olive - A Nigerian Feminist said...

congratulations love!

Chichi said...

you're in my prayers.

MamaO said...

Congratulations Kemi...very nice blog...May God bless your union..AMEN

Miss Natural said...

its tmrw! congrats! wish you all the best and a wonderful married life after that

Dajay said...

awww, I am a bride and completely understand! I love my momsie, but as her also daughter and her confidant, we always clash. So likewise even now we clash and I know she sometimes wonders how my hubby will cope, though I say well he doesnt say the things u sometimes say that get to me. dealing with the inlaws has been tricky, esp with wedding planning. I can tell momsie I dont like her cake idea but I tell his mom that "oh thats a good idea", and then run and grumble to my mom about it, and figure out how to NOT do it all the while compromising a little bit. After the wedding comes the real marriage, I'm a woman of God so found out for me prayers work.
I pray God continues to lead you and your hubby, and trust that today His glory is seen on your trad day.

Anoda Phase said...

the red lips suit u just fine...I hope u used it on d d-day...

angelsbeauty said...

shame your cousin put a damper on things...

i have come to learn that people are different and react to things differently and sometimes they don't react the way we want them to which can be hard to understand at times..

once we know these facts about people, it helps us understand them more and not to be surprised when they act up..

more excitement!

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