Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love U Tomorrow...

No, my traditional wedding is not tomorrow but it is in FOUR DAYS, if we are counting today. I don’t know how to describe how I feel. It’s been such a difficult journey for me. I think like many young ladies do I too was expecting the usual we see at times like this: mother-daughter bonding, girlfriends giggling with you and supporting you, fun shopping experiences, picking out materials and shoes and decorators with your loved ones, etc. You know, the quintessential happy experience. Mine I have to say hasn’t been like that. It’s been tough. Almost immediately some friendships evaporated. Then almost all other relationships were tested.

I’ve found forging a new relationship with my soon-to-be in-laws a tricky and trying thing. My mother and I are polar opposites when it comes to just about everything and that has really showed these last couple of months. Add that to the fact that for some strange reason my Mom treats and reacts to me like I’m that 8 year-old child of years ago. She says things to me like “I never thought you’d be the first one to marry, I didn’t think any guy would be able to get along with you with your temperament”, or when she entered Bolaji and I’s flat for the first time she exclaimed, “I’m so surprised that the place is clean, I’ve always said to myself I would never stay in your house”. I have to respond that she shouldn’t judge my life by the fact that I didn’t clean my room when I was 11, I’ve lived on my own since I was 17 and 3 of my apartments I lived in without housemates, ALL of which have never been unkempt. I even have a reputation amongst my friends that if you come to my house you have to constantly clean up after yourself cuz I tend to keep my space in that kinda clinical/sterile look. It’s been difficult going through the planning process with these kinds of issues.

Two days ago, a very close female cousin of mine called me to ask me to send her another asoebi material. I had given her her own pack about two weeks ago. Apparently she had taken it to a new tailor who after accepting the material, messed up the dress and cut up the material anyhow so it was unusable. The day she called me I just come back from a 4hr journey into Balogun market (you have to know Balogun to feel me here) and I hadn’t even stepped into my house when she called. Unfortunately I did not have any more of the aso-ebi packs but I promised her I would ask my friend who helped me organize it to get her more. I hung up the phone and called my friend immediately and she said okay she’ll go to the market and bring the new pack to me the next day. I tell this to my cousin but also told her that I had no money to give my friend so she would have to get the money to me asap. She started to waiver and said that she doesn’t know when she’d be able to get me the money exactly but she’d get it to me by the end of tomorrow. So I said okay and called my friend back that she should not come the next day but the day after that, thinking that that gave my cousin enough time to get the money together and get it to me. Only for my cousin to call me back to say why is the lady now coming another day? How come she could come on one day and then all of a sudden she can’t come again? How come this and how come that. I tried to calmly explain what just happened but she cut me off and says well, guess I won’t be wearing your aso-ebi then. While trying to still explain she then tells me that well my friend had better get the material to her by Monday afternoon or there’s no point. I felt so hurt by her words and spoke to Bolaji about the conversation. He encouraged me to sit her down and talk to her about it and after thinking on how to best convey how I felt, I wrote her and email and told her that I was hurt by what she said and how she was talking to me, especially so close to this big event in my life. In the email I had said that just that morning I told her I was worried I hadn’t found shoes yet and was going shopping for them in Balogun, when she called she didn’t even ask me how it went and just started pressuring me on the asoebi. Anyway next thing I know, she calls me back and starts yelling at me on the phone and crying saying that my email hurt her, how dare I say to her that I’m a person too and words hurt? And it’s not like I also asked her how her day went so why should she be asking me about shoes? And so on, that she’s very hurt by the email. That afterall when I picked the asoebi I showed my family friend and not her etc. I’m just amazed because from the time I got engaged this cousin was one of the people everytime I said anything about wedding or preparation she would stop me mid-sentence and tell me how she’s not interested in that kinda stuff, or it my own wahala and not hers, or she would just glance casually at whatever it is and continue reading her magazine or watching her tv. Even on the phone I still said I’m sorry for hurting her but I also wanted her to know that her words hurt me, but she wasn’t listening and was just yelling at me through the conversation. All of a sudden she stops and says fine, bye. I’m so hurt by this lady’s actions. Bolaji says I have to call her again and make peace with her because as a Christian I have to make sure to make peace with everyone who’s offended me or who I’ve offended and I’ve prayed about it but I just feel stuck. While her actions hurt me, I feel like I’ve truly forgiven her. I don’t hold any malice towards her so I’m not sure what calling her would achieve. I’ve apologized to her about everything she said I said to hurt her. She’s the one who doesn’t see that she’s done anything to hurt me. So what am I supposed to say to her when I call her? Plus my ceremony is in just a few days, do I really need all this tension now?

Sigh. I can’t wait for all this to be over. I’ve really not enjoyed the process at all. Maybe when the day comes, the excitement and adrenaline will come and I’ll have so much fun. I haven’t been eating well the last couple of weeks and I think my appetite has gone haywire. I eat odd things at odd times and then I never finish any meal. I take a few bites and just get bored of it.

I took a few pics with my phone camera:

My aso-oke and the material I'll use to cover my head!

The famous bag and shoes

My second lace that 'll change into. I love this lace!

My red lips makeup trial. Not sure I like it. Plus I had an eye reaction to the makeup so always make sure you ask your makeup artist to use sterile equipment as much as possible.

The basket for the groom's family gift. Apparently this basket is filled with fruits and given back to the grooms family as a token of appreciation.

Lastly, anyone that's reading this please take the time out and say a prayer for myself and Bolaji for our upcoming traditional ceremony, for our white wedding ceremony later in the year, for our marriage, for our future children, and for the families we are joining together. May God Bless you abundantly in return, Amen.