I'm almost fully convinced that I'm suffering from this special type of blues. It's either that or I'm going through a major life/identity crisis of some sort. Let me explain. It's actually a pretty weird thing being that I love Bolaji more than ever. His smile lights up my world and lifts the weight off my shoulders. I am so lucky to have him as my husband especially since he's the best person I know. So that's not the problem one bit. It's that recently I've been really contemplating my life, my job, my marriage, etc. I think Bolaji is also experiencing something similar but the guy version. You know, he's now anxious and worried about providing for his wife and new family. I think this may also be leading him to re-evaluate his life and the options. For example, he's had quite a few offers to join start-up firms which he's kind of put behind in the recent past but now all of a sudden, it's like wait a minute, maybe I can make a boatload of money here, maybe I should do it, then me and Kemi can have all we ever dreamt of and retire in peace :-). At least that's what I think is going through his head! I'm also feeling very much unfulfilled in my job since we got back from the wedding. The term I've used often and I think describes very well how I feel is that I'm uninspired by any of the work I'm doing. I'm so lethargic about everything then I end up feeling so terrible about myself for being so unproductive. Today I took the day off and I'm sitting by the waterside, I think I'm about to leave the line of work I'm in now and try something else. I'm taking today to decide.
So you see these things have left Bolaji and I waking up at 3:30am for the last two weeks (outside of not having a blink of NEPA aargh!). I think we both want to be happy so bad (i.e good life, good finances, little conflict in the marriage, etc.) that we spend our time worrying about how to best guarantee that. I've gone online and it seems a lot of couples have gone through this. Another dimension of the wedding blues for me that is so totally unexpected is the baby fever. Like seriously, I'm not sure where it's coming from. I've really got the nesting fever. I haven't mentioned it to Bolaji though because I know he'd be really nervous. We've talked about it in the past and we both want to wait for a little bit before planning a child. I agree completely with this and don't think our new family is ready for one yet. And it's not what people usually say about wanting to "enjoy their marriage" or whatnot, it's mostly because we just want to be able to plan our family. We both want it to be something where we both just say, ok, let's do it rather than just jumping into it. Now I know many people think differently but this is how we feel. So why the baby fever? Does it have something to do with my wedding blues? Oh, I'm just in such a confused state right now.
come back another day
Mr. & Mrs. Bolaji want to play