Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Newlywed Blues

Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I had read on several blogs and online articles that some women experience a bit of newlywed blues in the months after they get married. Essentially after months (maybe years) of planning a wedding, doing guest lists, speaking to vendors, DIY projects, etc., when it all comes to pass there's a bit of silence and quiet, it is this that then gives birth to the Newlywed Blues.

I'm almost fully convinced that I'm suffering from this special type of blues. It's either that or I'm going through a major life/identity crisis of some sort. Let me explain. It's actually a pretty weird thing being that I love Bolaji more than ever. His smile lights up my world and lifts the weight off my shoulders. I am so lucky to have him as my husband especially since he's the best person I know. So that's not the problem one bit. It's that recently I've been really contemplating my life, my job, my marriage, etc. I think Bolaji is also experiencing something similar but the guy version. You know, he's now anxious and worried about providing for his wife and new family. I think this may also be leading him to re-evaluate his life and the options. For example, he's had quite a few offers to join start-up firms which he's kind of put behind in the recent past but now all of a sudden, it's like wait a minute, maybe I can make a boatload of money here, maybe I should do it, then me and Kemi can have all we ever dreamt of and retire in peace :-). At least that's what I think is going through his head! I'm also feeling very much unfulfilled in my job since we got back from the wedding. The term I've used often and I think describes very well how I feel is that I'm uninspired by any of the work I'm doing. I'm so lethargic about everything then I end up feeling so terrible about myself for being so unproductive. Today I took the day off and I'm sitting by the waterside, I think I'm about to leave the line of work I'm in now and try something else. I'm taking today to decide.

So you see these things have left Bolaji and I waking up at 3:30am for the last two weeks (outside of not having a blink of NEPA aargh!). I think we both want to be happy so bad (i.e good life, good finances, little conflict in the marriage, etc.) that we spend our time worrying about how to best guarantee that. I've gone online and it seems a lot of couples have gone through this. Another dimension of the wedding blues for me that is so totally unexpected is the baby fever. Like seriously, I'm not sure where it's coming from. I've really got the nesting fever. I haven't mentioned it to Bolaji though because I know he'd be really nervous. We've talked about it in the past and we both want to wait for a little bit before planning a child. I agree completely with this and don't think our new family is ready for one yet. And it's not what people usually say about wanting to "enjoy their marriage" or whatnot, it's mostly because we just want to be able to plan our family. We both want it to be something where we both just say, ok, let's do it rather than just jumping into it. Now I know many people think differently but this is how we feel. So why the baby fever? Does it have something to do with my wedding blues? Oh, I'm just in such a confused state right now.

newlywed blues
go away
come back another day
Mr. & Mrs. Bolaji want to play

:-)

17 comments:

NakedSha said...

awww, sounds normal and sounds like something a little talk and less worrying could solve


all the best!

beautiful said...

awwwwwww....don't worry jare, its well.

Jaycee said...

#Cosign with Nakedsha.

histreasure said...

it's normal dear, it might just be that after all the excitement ,normalcy now seems drab.. your heart is trying to adjust to life..
it's good that you took the day off to relect, the Lord will guide you both!

Myne Whitman said...

I hope you make the right decisions, I think this is a normal phase. It could even be you've taken in? LOl...Congrats in advance.

Amy said...

From what I've been reading on wedding message boards, the post wedding blues is very normal. Soon things will go back to normal for you and your hubby!

Just...Toluwa said...

i luv ur blog!!!

i think its just cos all d excitement is over...

yankeenaijababe said...

Really it happens...didn't know that. Girl, where are the pictures o.lol

Hope you and hubby get back to being yourself, don't let it get to you. miss ya

yankeenaijababe said...

I will be praying for you both, God will direct you both as a couple, everything will be fine my sister. Hugs!

Miss Natural said...

It is well. How do you feel now? With every change comes uncertainty...so it is definitely normal. Hope you're feeling better now

Evee said...

They say it is normal, but if you think the two of you are passing through the same phase you could talk about it. That might help. All the best

afro-chick said...

did u guys have sex b4 marriage or live together, they say ur likely 2 feel dat way if u did?

Anonymous said...

Aww you will be ok pretty lady! Much blessings to you and your hubby!!!!

Sandy

Kemi said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. They made me feel better for sure :-)

@myne - i really dislike that when a woman gets married every single illness is now possible pregnancy. if i had a nickle for everytime someone asked that I'd be a rich newlywed! lol. I"m not preggers. and we use several birth control methods.

@justtoluwa - thanks for stopping by!

@YNC - thanks for your prayers!

@afrochick - perhaps its peculiar to people who live together. my research however says its not.

Anonymous said...

I just got married two weeks ago and its such a relief to know that what I am experiencing is a normal thing. Thanks for sharing

Kemi said...

@anonymous, thanks for stopping by and congratulations on your wedding! Hope things are settling down just a bit more, remember your life is entirely what you make it so whatever feels normal and true to you is "normal" :-)

angelsbeauty said...

you just said Mr & Mrs... awww...
with life comes ups and downs.. the storm will keep passing.

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