Have I abandoned this blog? Maybe. Maybe not. I've been extremely busy, but I know that's a familiar refrain. It really is true though. Thing is being extremely busy with work means you have to play catch up with friends and family and by the time that is done, you just don't have the time to sit, think, then compose your thoughts on the blog. I can say that I will do better but I truly don't know I'll play it by ear.
Now on to baby bumps and the biggest baby bump of them all: the Carter baby bump aka Beyonce's Bun In the Oven. I mentioned very early on in the life of this blog that Beyonce and Jayz are one of the couples that I look to and that inspires me (the other are the Obamas). I have to say when I saw her on the View a few weeks back, I said to Bo, I think this chick is preggers. He teased me because he thought I was just thinking that from the song "Countdown" in which she says "I'm trying to make us three..." Bo thinks I'm nuts. Lol. Anyway, I'd like to think I called it early. Ha. But on a serious note any and everything brings to mind my own baby watch and since Beyonce and I are reasonably agemates, the news of her expecting has got me in a conflicting mood. Everyone's having babies! Do I want one?
Last week Bo and I had a serious conversation about babywatch (yet again) and though he didn't say it, my sense is that he's not ready for a child or to be a father. I think he's one of those people who probably won't see themselves in that role until they're nearing forty. I understand that. He also mentioned he's a bit anxious or worried about the possibility of my infertility so he's not sure he wants to jump into that kettle of fish just yet. I understand this also. But I'm left thinking what is it I (ME) want? We went visiting with a friend of ours who has a 4-month old baby and she grabbed me aside and said "Let me talk to you, if you want to have kids, take it from me just do it now and get it over with, just do it. I'm so relieved I have this child now, all the weight is taken off my shoulders, I can move on with my life now. Just do it." Sigh. Now I appreciate her advise and really love her for actually giving it to me, but it's just put so much pressure on me and my thoughts. Should I just do it now and get it over with? If I'm completely honest with myself, I've never been one of those women who sees herself being someone's mother (or even wife for that matter and look how that turned out!). Bo said to me during our conversation "It's not like you can give it back when you're done" and this is so true and hit me. It's not a, "let's just try it..." kind of decision, it's yours for life. What happens when:
- You don't think you're ready for a baby BUT
- You're medically at risk for infertility AND
- You're not getting any younger
- You're almost sure if you're 50 and don't have a child you'll regret not having the experience PLUS
- Your hubby is not ready (and you need him to be ready for this kind of thing)
Now some people have all kinds of clever ways to deal with point #5, let me say that I don't subscribe to any of that. I need my husband to be ready (it's just courtesy for another human being's feelings), and to be excited about it as well. So that takes care of that. However there's still the issue of everything put together.
So there's that. Thanks Beyonce for adding to baby pressure....lol. I'm really happy for her though.