I was reading another blog post when this post came to me and I knew i just have to write about it. I've heard too many times too many women talk and worry about sexual compatibility and what the man is packing or how he is packing. I've seen friends dismiss very lovely men because of some perceived sexual deficiency and others who've waited worry about sexual performance after the wedding. It's no secret that I truly believe that my relationship with Bo was orchestrated by the Divine Himself and I thank God every day that we were both lucky enough to not mess things up too badly.
But I have a story to tell about our sexual history. In the beginning of our relationship Bo and I did embark on a sexual relationship. Where our story takes a wild turn is that as it became apparent that ours was a serious one, we both decided that we were going to be celibate until we were married. Those beginning times were not pretty. I would say Bo and I were not compatible sexually. Based on my experiences I wanted one thing, and based on his experiences he wanted something else. It was very VERY awkward those days. However as it became clearer to me that I was falling in love with this man, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. We started to talk openly about our histories, anxieties, desires, wants and needs. We shared everything about what importance we place on sexual satiety and really I believe this was probably the foundation of us deciding to be celibate later on. Then I decided within myself that I was going to be patient, encouraging, and honest with this man. I wanted him to feel comfortable with me, to feel comfortable trying and failing and trying again. I wanted things to be natural and fun, and with him being a man I wanted him to own his sexuality, his feelings. I was open to learning his style and rhythm and I got over any shyness and was very open about what I liked, how, and when. I think this really helped us, my being willing to teach as it were, what it was that worked for me. So many women don't want to teach because of their shyness or for fear of being labeled. I say don't be afraid of your body and of what it is telling you. I think lastly we just decided to have fun with it, to create a safe fun haven for both of us to express ourselves and enjoy each other. If it's awkward, so be it. We'll get the hang of it eventually.
We hadn't fully learnt this lesson when we decided to go celibate. However I think I'm the loudest testament to the fact that one year and a half year into my marriage, I have the most satisfying sex life I've ever had in my life (and that's saying...well, enough). My husband truly rocks my world and I can say that confidently. Whenever I hear women say, "I can't talk to him because the sexual chemistry is not there", I always think what is that? Trust me, once you fall in love with a man, half the battle is done. Love is amazing. It is the tie that God has used to bind us together and believe me it is perfect. If the guy is a wonderful person, kind soul, thoughtful, and madly in love with you, allow yourself to be swept away in love. The sex is supposed to come later, it WILL come later, and it WILL be fabulous. Don't worry and allow yourself to fall!
PS - For those waiting for Bo's post, he's written about half of it. Honestly at this point, I'm not sure WHEN the other half is going to get written. I'll remind him tomorrow. I have to say, having read a bit of it, it's no where as colored as my writing, very much less mushy and much more methodical, practical, and straightforward. I should have expected that though.