Monday, October 29, 2012

Kanye Shrug

Monday, October 29, 2012

How I wish I could share the chuckle Bo and I just had regarding this post, but I think it's probably best to keep it an inside joke!

Moving along...

The one thing I've learned for sure in keeping this blog is that the nature of the medium itself allows everyone to participate in one of the purest human ways possible.  There's always what is being said, and what is the truth/motivation behind what is being said.  I've found that once you can discern the two, it's easier to let go and enjoy the blog for what it is.  This goes for both the author and the audience of the blog.  I enjoy this aspect so tremendously.  Now for the comments section, I've found that it almost always says much more about the person commenting, than the subject the comments are directed to.  It is usually out of some personal experience that motivates one to go through the hassle of leaving a comment.  Fascinating.  Reading comments is my favorite part of keeping this blog.

Which leads me to my last post.  There's a comment by someone called Uloms and a few other visitors (welcome to my blog!).  To ease your various concerns for me and my living in bondage or pain (I can't even believe I typed that!) let me reassure you that I am not in bondage or in pain.  Thanks for the concern.  I'm also quite free.  Now, to ask a truly honest question, how would you know if I were telling the truth about being free and not in bondage or in pain?  I'm really interested to know mostly because I personally think it would require some sort of leap of faith for you in what I am writing.  Believe or not, there's really no way for you to know for sure, ever.  So I personally don't see a need for such a strong feeling on the subject!  :-)

There was a comment on infertility.  Yes, I have a condition that is similar to, but not, PCOS.  No, your guess was wrong.  Bo & I are on birth controls and have never, not once, even tried to TTC.  Whenever Bo & I do start TTC, we may have conception issues or we may not. We will cross the bridge when we get there.  PCOS and other similar conditions are very serious issues affecting many women the world over and I do not take the issue lightly out of utter respect and compassion for those who struggle with it and its implications daily.  I don't bandy it about and it matters to me a great deal that I don't distort my experiences living with it.  Thus, if I were TTC and having troubles, I would mention it if only to assure others they weren't alone.  To those who care, I don't know what it's like TTC with PCOS because I've never tried, when I do, I will definitely share the journey to provide information and to encourage.

Lastly, isn't it incredulous that some would say "You are thinking too much about having a baby"?  It's a baby for chrissakes!  I like that I oscillate about whether or not I'm ready, I do think it's completely responsible and acceptable behaviour to consider all options and listen to all experiences before embarking on such a journey.  It is good to read all sorts of books, to talk about it, to be honest with oneself and to explore one's emotions.  These are all great things to do before bringing another human being into the world.  I'm supposed to be allowed to go on incessantly about weddings and love but I can't go on incessantly about such a key product of weddings, marriage, and love?  Really?  Furthermore, it would not be responsible behaviour on my part to imply in any way that all women must want babies, and/or all women must be so sure in their hearts about their feelings and desires.  It is entirely okay, not be so sure.  If there are people out there who have made decisions not to have babies or to defer their child-rearing periods and never talk about this decision because it was such an easy no-brainer, I'm happy for them.  Alas, as for me, I have a blog and I'm free to talk about it, the way I feel it.    I like that my posts show it is not an easy decision and it's okay to go back and forth.

This blog is about happily ever after, the real story of love, marriage, relationship.  The happily ever after where babies are discussed over and over again, mortgage, paying for school fees, leaving a will in case of unexpected death, saving and scrounging for cash and savings, getting your heart broken by your spouse, cuddling to sleep, and waking up to 1000 kisses are discussed.

To just look at pretty wedding pictures and skip over the daily routines of building a life, there's always the Bella Naija wedding pages!


Anonymous said...

Don't mind those haters o. I loved your last post and it was so refreshing to hear the view of someone not baby crazy or ttc! I follow a lot of 'bride'/'marriage' blogs and yours is the best because it is fresh, honest and real.

Ayodeji said...

na wa o.! Nigerians and telling everybody how to live their lives.

Kemi, I admire your self awareness a lot. I want to be like you when I grow up.

bumight said...

Ouch! At the Bella Naija sub tho ...even tho it's apt.
That's one of the perils of private blogging. Everybody feels entitled to commentary on your life.

Beautiful said...

hahahaha the bellanaija bit had me cracking up.

Please just ignore people who don't understand how you live your life.

james morkal said...

I am glad to find your impressive way of writing the post. Now it become easy for me to understand and implement the concept. Thanks for sharing the post.
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Aseni said...

Its very much your life, and you are allowed to oscillate.

Bella naija? lol...the site that allows illusions.

downtheaisle said...

hey babe a while here, read ur last post and for someone like me that has read ur post right from the very first post, i can almost relate and say "kemi is saying exactly how she feels" I dont know you physically but through ur writings,I can almost vouch for what you mean and what you dont. You are very sincere about your thoughts and the way you oscillate through your thoughts and that makes u purely human.

anyway, ur words abt one's spouse/marriage in the previous post is so mega true, i wish i cld put that up somewhere for everyone to read.

In 3yrs of my own marriage, I couldnt agree less.

takia of u!

Anonymous said...

Well just as your free to live your life the way you want so are others given the same liberty to comment as they wish (in a respectful manner). Not everyone is going to see you as 'inspirational' and ultimately agree with what you've said and if you have a problem with that as you clearly do, stop sharing your personal business or quit blogging altogether.

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Kemi, i like ur blog. Ignore the hatters jare

Uloms said...

Kemi dear, its your favorite commenter, Well, since I graciously made it to your post and you did invite me to keep reading so here I am. Like you said, its your blog and you can share whatever you please and you allowed me to post comment, so there you go. One thing I know for sure, the truth is out there and it will come out in due time. You're right. I don't know whether you're lying or telling the truth. I might be equally saying the truth or lying but on this your baby story, my instincts tell me opinion (no crucify me). I only pray whatever that truth is, that you find it and it sets you free.
BTW, your posts on your love and marriage, j'adore. I feel those are real and come from the heart. I will keep reading your posts from time to time...might skip over the baby bits but we'll see. Thanks for letting me post and I actually do love your blog. *signing off*

Petty playground squabbles said...

Like seriously.... this is so petty. Like guys c'mon...geez. So because a few readers out there disagree with a few things it means they're hater's??!!!! Please!

And Kemi just as someone has already said, if you want everyone to agree with what you write and have a problem with the views of others, it might be good if you disable the comments. People can still like your blog but disagree with you from time to time. Geez, its allowed.

@ about insensitivity towards infertility.

I'm so put off.

Myne Whitman said...

I don't think people are haters, they actually believe what you write to a large extent, and that is why they are motivated enough to comment. It is just sometimes difficult for us to process or make sense of what is outside our world view.

I just went back to read the comments and saw that my name came up.*kanye shrug*

As far as I see it, it's par the course for blogging, especially personally. Keep doing you.

qmoney said...

I couldn't agree with you more......

qmoney said...

You speak my mind.....

Kemi said...

@Anon1 - thanks for your comments and for following my blog! Contrary to some opinions, I do try to be as true as possible to my experience.

@Ayodeji - :-) I didn't think I was particularly self-aware but the blog is teaching me things about myself i think (and others!). Thanks for commenting and hopefully I'll read more of your comments in the future.

@Bumight - I think people just want to share. We don't talk enough amongst us women, so many use online as an avenue to just share. It's part of the fun :-)

@Beautiful - That's a good motto!

@Aseni - thanks for stopping by! I like BellaNaija but I just also know that the real romance is in the grit and repetitiveness of actually then building the life. I hope many know that.

@downtheaisle - it's really good to read from you! Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I'm fascinated really that someone would be so convicted that the post is phony & false, considering how I've written from the beginning. I'm more fascinated than anything else.

@Anon2 - Thanks for your comments. I think there's a difference between encouraging discussion, and disagreeing with expressed views within that discussion. Disagreeing does not imply a discouragement of views. As adult beings, we all have a responsibility for our views. Either way, I strongly belief that quitting this blog or the manner in which i blog is entirely my prerogative. I will take your suggestions to mind though :-)

@Amy! - I'm so happy you commented! How are you and how is Abigail? We are clearly on the same page on this in that ultimately I think some just don't understand myself & Bo's decisions and have proceeded to fill in the gaps based on their circumstances/experience/worldview. You know sometimes I find keeping a blog can be such a social experiment! :-)

@Anon3 - thanks :-) !

@Uloms - Thanks! You know, I write this blog for two purposes: firstly, as a journal for myself and secondly because I really do feel blessed to be in the relationship I'm in. I didn't do anything to deserve it, God just blessed me with it, so I want to share the experience, maybe something I say or how I say it can encourage someone. I hope to project that God blessed me and I honor that blessing by sharing my journey, how I learn & grow in this wonderful relationship. How I struggle, fall, stumble, crawl, embrace, and celebrate it. That is the essence and I hope you continue to share as well.

@Petty - thanks for your comments. I don't think it's disagreements, I honestly think it's just the tone. Many times the tone in which someone says something distorts the whole intention behind it. But that's okay :-) I don't think it's petty though, I think whoever commented obviously felt strong enough about what they wanted to say to write and then press the send button, it just all adds to the discussion, which is a good thing. I have no desire to moderate, monitor, or disable comments. Discussion is encouraged I would just like to see it less mean-spirited because in the end the mean-spiritedness helps no one. I'm all for kindness, especially to one another as women. Let's give each other a break! :-)

@Myne - you and I are strong, bright, intelligent women :-) blog are just that. It acts like real life maybe but it's really not. It's just a sliver, a dimension. I'm more interested in discussion anyway, than the personal as a blog is hardly sufficient enough to accurately comment on the personal. Keep doing you as well! :-)

Anonymous said...

Amy I read and love your blog, but am a little disappointed in what u wrote, no one is hati.hating on kemi! Whether she is writing the truth about how she is living her life is up to her, since at the end of the day she is the one that will still go to bed at night knowing what's true a and what's not true. So please lets respect other peoples opinion as this is a n open blog.

I admire your blog and please this is coming from a good place, sometimes the way u write things are just too good to be true, now am not saying they r not true and believe me i wish i nothing but happiness. But when u keep repeating one thing over and over again, it makes one wonder if u really are just not telling us the readers the truth that's why u see some people reacting in a certain way. I remember reading about u and bo taking a trip to napa for a friends wedding, u stopped bloging right after that, and came back to blogging a while later without a mention of your trip, it just didn't seem right that u would just come back and not say anything about it. It just feels as though u are feeding us this bit and pieces of a fairy tale that we cannot connect the lines together, please am not saying u are lying, I just wish I believed everything u write.
I wish u all the best.

Kemi said...

@Anon, I appreciate the sincerity in your post, and thanks for the honesty. I'm confused though about the connection with a fairy tale that's too good to be true and the baby thing. I really am! Oh well, I may never "get" it. About napa etc., would you know Bo and I went on a 3 weeks summer holiday abroad this summer? I did not talk about it and I do not even think I mentioned it on the blog at all. Yes, there are blanks or gaps, but it's just a blog. Real life still happens out there! I wouldn't say fill in the blanks and gaps with any imaginations. They are simply just blanks or gaps!

I'm frankly now starting to get more concerned that a happy, healthy marriage seems to be such an impossible thing to many...

Kemi said...

@Amy, again thanks for your comments and your points of view are as welcomed as any others! :-)

Sorry said...

I wrote the comment on your previous post where I likened you to Myne. You know what? On reflection, I am deeply sorry as I realise that it was indeed a very insensitive and cruel thing to say.

I apologise to you for making assumptions and to Myne for calling out on her in that manner.

Your responses have shown what a mature and real person you are.

Sincere apologies.

Blessing said...

Tell them Kemi!

People can be so critical, they're not in your shoes...its your life...your decisions...strictly between you, God, and hubby!

Anonymous said...

She chose to share her life on a blog, she should accept the criticisms that come with it

ceecee said...

wow some people are amazing. So you guys want Kemi to chronicle every single day of her life on this blog?

Kemi, please do you. I remember when some Anons were up in arms about your views on love.

Amy said...

Kemi- I deleted my prior post because in rereading it I can see how some people might construe it as me being insensitive towards people who are suffering from infertility and that was definitely not my intent as I have some close friends and a family member who are going through infertility and my heart aches for them. My intent was to relay to you a situation that I have observed happening in my social circle that seems similar to the interaction between you and the anonymous poster. Anyway long story short, keep doing what makes you and your husband happy and take what others say with a grain of salt!

ojay said...

Drum Roll ...............
New BoKem Addict
I've read from day one till 29th/Nov/12 since ydy i stumbled on your blog have i been inspired ofcourse yes;cos i used to be one of those who thot men only exploited women in the name of love. But now being born again and after reading reading several books a "fairytale marriage " is very attainable as long as the individuals involved are up to it and firstly involve GOD.

About the " Baby Drama" i must sincerley say i initially had my reservations,but i realised its your life and what works for you is best.
Because people are sooooo comfortable with unplanned babies which is sooo wrong we all should be very accountable to the lives we create in all aspects
That said I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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