Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Love is NOT for Everyone - Part 2

Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Thanks to everyone who left comments on the last post. I really enjoy reading them and connecting to the people behind the comments. It might be odd but I also really enjoy the diversity of viewpoints. It's probably what I enjoy the most that so many people who've never met each other but perhaps have a common interest (which landed them on this blog) discuss an issue and look at it from the prism of their perspective and life experiences. Awesome!

I'd like to loosely add a sort of rejoinder to the last post though.

I think what I was trying to convey is that love is not something for an exclusive club but is for everyone and accessible to anyone. I don't deserve it more or less than anyone else here. Also rationally, anyone who says "Love is not for everyone" is simply saying loud and clear, "I don't think love is for me." You may not think so but everyone around can hear it loud and clear. Surely if you don't think love is for you, it's even more difficult for anyone else to show you that it is.

One of the unpleasant things I learnt from the process of planning a wedding and a marriage is that the romance of that one single act seems to negate everything else about my experiences and who I am in almost everyone's mind. It's like we all still carry that Cinderella syndrome around: "maiden was wondering about the woods with seven crazy dwarfs when she was suddenly found by her Prince and they kissed and lived happily ever after". How can such a maiden know about life? She was wondering in the woods for crying out loud! If only this were true.

My first boyfriend is married to a stripper. Whatever conclusions to be drawn from this situation is probably true.

My second boyfriend 'broke up' with me (and I use that term loosely) when after traveling 10 hours by bus to pay him a surprise visit, a girl who I thought was a friend, opened the door. In my guy's shirt. I was then told to leave, except I had forgotten my wallet. 10 hours away. At home. Yes. It was 1 am and I had no where to go. I stayed in that house that night, in the living room while the man I had come to see stayed in his room with the other girl.

I dated someone who was already married. With kids. Without knowing this. They lived in another country.

I have not ALWAYS had love. I've listened to the Destiny's Child song "Free" while drinking some red wine and ordering everything of the menu of the local chinese restaurant with my best friend. I'm a woman. Yes I'm married, but I'M A WOMAN. Of course I've had all sorts of experiences with all sorts of mean-spirited, heartless men. Of course I've wondered when it would all stop.

This is all the more reason why, I firmly believe within all of my heart that love is not for a selective few but for everyone. Whether you've been heartbroken or not. Whether you're 22 or 92. One of my parent's neighbors is getting married. She's 82. She used to bake cookies every week for the neighborhood but now everyone's complaining because she hasn't baked for months! She doesn't have the time. Her husband's 89 and they're busy hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

Love is absolutely for everyone. And it's wonderful, and beautiful, and amazing, and indescribable. It doesn't come when you want it, or command it to come. It'll come when it's right for you. When God says, okay there you go. Go!

Another thing.

I'm in love with my husband but life doesn't end. That's a misconception. I'd like to correct that misconception. I don't stay at home naked all day with a bouquet of red roses in my hand, while constant deliveries of chocolates and more flowers arrive at our doorstep and we just....revel in love. Day in day out. Yes I'm blessed but now I have to get on with it. Live my life, build our lives, pay rent, save, pay my bills, service my car, dream of holidays we can't afford right now, plan for kids, write exams, work. Finding a mate is just the beginning. Now there's a life to live and it's not for kids.

But I digress.

Love? That's the easy, fun part. I'm more convinced than ever that God didn't create it for just a select few but for everyone. It may not have happened now, but it can. Absolutely.

NB:- I'm sorry for the rant!


Lily Johnson said...

I read every line and savoured every word. Yes, people that have been hurt severaly should believe that God hasn't forgotten them. Their own personal person is definitely on his/her way.

Blessing said...

I totally agree with you!!! Couldn't have said it any better!

braids said...

awwww Kemi ((hugs)). Your such an inspiration :)

doll said...

wow...your dating experience was quite something, but morning always comes after every night...apparently

Anonymous said...

Now what your saying has taken on a whole new meaning because your speaking from experience and you've "been there". It just really ticks me off when people talk about patience, hope and rant about "love being for everyone" when they've never been heartbroken over a failed relationship or have always been in and out of relationships never really knowing what its like dealing with things like lonliness and all.
God has a reason for everything and I suppose His reason Kemi for allowing you to go through all the ups and downs of your previous relationships was for such a time like this, i.e when you talk about love and marriage being beautiful and for everyone and someone like me comes along and says

"erm what do you know?! Your in a happy relationship, you don't know what I know!"

You can say
"Girlfriend please! I've worn the T-shirt!!! I DO know how it feels. If God can do it for me, He can do it for you. Chill!"

Lol. :-)

Lori said...

I vote this post as one of your best posts ever!

P.E.T. Projects said...

well, u've captured the issue just the way it is. as a strong believer in love, i must say that the only way to find that which you think you deserve is to believe it'll be urs no matter how long it takes.

MissM said...

Nice post:) It ministered to me...lolll

Anonymous said...

Hi, I know this has nothing to do with your most recent post, but I'd like to know if you made/bought your wedding gown in Nigeria. If you did, would you be willing to share the details of the dressmaker/store. My email addy is

Thank you.

H said...

I #cosign with Lori...
This was inspiring. Ups and Downs are necessary so that we appreciate what we have. I happy you went on that long bitter journey...I've been there too, I haven't found my prince charming yet or rather I'm not sure if I've found him but I can definitely say, I don't regret a day when love was a pain, cuz it was well worth it.

Anoda Phase said...

"I don't stay at home naked all day with a bouquet of red roses in my hand, while constant deliveries of chocolates and more flowers arrive at our doorstep and we just....revel in love."...LOL!!!

That 82 yr old lady's love story brought smiles to my face...

As for that boyfy u sat in a bus 10 hrs to go meet...may God forgive him for treating a woman so awefully.

Kemi said...

Thanks guys for the comments! I'm always very humbled that anyone even reads the blog talk less of commenting.

@braids, thank you.

@doll, it really does, the key i think is not to loose hope.

@anon, I have that shirt oh! :-) Thankfully I've been blessed. i really appreciate your posts.

@Lori, thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

@anonymous2, i had my dress made in Nigeria but the lady that makes it moved to Banjul right after my wedding and is no longer available. I caught her in the nick of time!

@H, I've always had that attitude no matter what. And it's been tough but I distinctly remember having to pull myself before every relationship and have a pep talk with myself, "this a new relationship and deserves the best of you, don't carry baggage from last relationship into it because it's not fair to this new guy". Sometimes it made me look like a fool but I was willing, it was important to give everyone a fresh chance to mess up or prove themselves.

@Anoda, i see past flames and honestly I just strut past because what I've got, they've never even heard. I pray he finds God but it's more of a general human prayer. Lol.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

That's retarded. You're missing the entire point. People are negative and disillusioned BECAUSE they don't get to be loved, not the other way around. I mean, are you seriously that fucking stupid? The person wouldn't be complaining about not being loved IF HE WAS LOVED. It's simple logic.
Love isn't for everyone. Just because you found it, and your friends did, doesn't mean everyone will. You're the one daydreaming and fantasizing here. This is just reality.
And please, STOP with this BULLSHIT that "everyone can be loved". No, just fuck you. That's the most asshole thing you can ever say, because it ISN'T TRUE and just gives people FALSE HOPE.
And God is false, too.

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