Monday, October 11, 2010

Love is NOT for Everyone

Monday, October 11, 2010
I read this statement somewhere recently and it really stuck. For me when I hear someone say "Love is just not for everyone," what I hear is:

"I've given up on love"
"I don't think anyone can possibly love me"
"I don't deserve the romance, attention, devotion that comes from love"
"I'm disappointed and bitter that no one has loved me in that love of ages way yet"
"If true love existed, I would have had someone by now"

And so on. All these phrases are absolutely negative and I think to myself, who in their right mind would even want to TRY being with someone who harboured all these negative thoughts and all this disillusionment. It is completely unattractive. Seriously, anyone thinking these thoughts should just....STOP. Apart from being unattractive it just reeks of desperation and attention seeking. Certainly it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If there was a fly on the wall who could report back about the goings on in our home, there would be many a eye-rolling. Bo and I are so completely in love and we affirm it and share it several times a day. Truly, we are that kind of couple. I am completely, fully, and absolutely crazy in love with my husband.

But get this, I didn't deserve it.

I still don't. I don't even think I did anything extraordinary for love to come into my life and to come in this splendid way. I am completely aware that I am blessed and we both know that a love like this is one written in the stars, one destined for ages. We don't deserve it. But we have it. And I believe God in his infinite mercy and grace, gave it to us. I know God loves us all unconditionally and He GAVE me love. My question is why wouldn't He give anybody else? Why wouldn't He give YOU?

If we come down to earth, the truth is anybody, male or female, is attracted to a confident, stable person who is fun to be around, fun to be with. That's it. No one wants to be with someone who's carrying bitterness, and hurt, and self-loathing around like a backpack. So shed it.

Love is for everyone and can happen for everyone. It's not something for a select special being. It's real and it's as wonderful as you can ever imagine, stop being afraid and be ready to welcome it whenever it shows itself in your life!

20 comments:

H said...

spot on!
#nuffsaid

NewLife said...

very well written

oluSimeon said...

yes ! no additions needed ..

Adenike' said...

This rings true but then again if I made love to my husband several times a day to affirm our love for each other or even had a man to go gaga over, I wouldn't understand why some had the "love is not for everyone" mentality either.
I'm sure that with any longing a person has that hasn't been fulfilled doubt, desperation and negativity is likely to creep up. Its like c'mon, just because waiting forever for that special one wasn't the case with you...

Lily Johnson said...

Awww! So sweet. My dear, some people feel love isn't for everyone because they had given their hearts to people and they were shattered. Not once or twice. This brings about some negativity and pessimism. These people need to be encouraged to try again.
Nice post.

Faith said...

so true! love this post!

Gee said...

lol just as H said #nuffsaid

Myne Whitman said...

Nice post, and even bitter people can be loved too..

La Reine (whoiamisme) said...

Nice post.

And yes, bitter people can be loved too. But I guess that's if only they release said bitterness?

Will chew on that.

Amy said...

Amen. Everyone should experience love cause it is truly a beautiful earth shattering experience!

Anonymous said...

Its always easy to talk about the whole love thing being for everyone and all when you have someone and are happily inlove so try and be understanding to those who have experienced one heartbreak after another or for those who don't even know what its like to kiss a man because they've never been kissed before but because you have someone Kemi how can you understand? If a persons always had money and able to feed themselve how would they know what its like to face starvation? Its just logical.

angelsbeauty said...

its like you have just echoed what the pastor was saying at a singles seminar i went to last weekend for un married youths..

Anonymous said...

"Everyone should experience love cause it is truly a beautiful earth shattering experience!"

Good for you.
I don't suppose it occurred to anyone that the conclusion "love is not for everyone" was reached after decades of optimism and beleiving that someday you would find someone, except it never happened.
Life is not fair, that's the cold hard fact. It doesn't cease to be a fact just because you happen to be one of those life treats nicely.
Some are born with wealthy parrents and good looks.
Some never get to grow up.

Different people lead different lifes and learn different lessons. Not neccesarily lessons that are wrong, just because they differs from those YOU learn :-)

Anonymous said...

I agree with some of the other comments--it's easy to say love is for everyone when you HAVE love. Some of us try and try and it never works out. Some of us are just unattractive to the other sex, no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, no matter how many positive affirmations and thoughts of bliss we may surround ourselves with. As someone else I heard said, the law of averages dictates that not everyone will find love--it's just logic, plain and simple. Yay for you that you found love, but please don't degrade the rest of us who can't, because it's illogical to say that the only answer is that it's OUR fault. Sometimes, shit happens.

Anonymous said...

I agree with everyone who says love is not for everyone. People like this are smart. The law of averages is real and some people are just inadequate and never had a chance at love to begin with. People die all the time without finding love. Some people find love and the rest find grief. It's as simple as that. Being positive and following your dreams with determination sometimes just isn't enough. We all have our crosses to bear but some of us have heavier crosses. We can't all and some of us don't that's all there is to it.

Anonymous said...

I think that this phrase may not mean only that love hasn't come to you. In my personal experience, it has, but I am the one who wasn't giving love. Due to my personality it was really hard for me to give him what he (and most people in love) needed, and I am not even talking about sex, I'm talking about saying "I love you", saying nice things to him, kissing him unexpectedly, etc. He needed more that I could give him, and he still stuck by my side. The thing is that I knew it wasn't okay and that was killing me, so I said goodbye. Love found me but I wasn't made for love. I don't know if I will ever be and for sure I shouldn't be negative because it just gets worse but it's kinda difficult. Hope my story helps someone feel less alone :-)

Clinton Randolph said...

I think I'm the only guy that probably read and commented on this thing, but I wondered what the world thought on this issue. Cause that's how I feel. I personally feel I'm a great guy! I'm think I'm more handsome than I even know (growing up insecure). I'm educated. I have some stability (good job for 7 years) I mean I have almost all a woman would want. lol. seriously. And you'd be shocked at the rejection I have to deal with and just overall failure with women. In large numbers! I've concluded, it's just not for everyone. Kind of like, you have Lebron James blessed with with all that athleticism. He did nothing to earn that. I was God given. I think love works the same way. It's God's choice... And not everyone is chosen. It's just facts of life...

Anonymous said...

You said that you are blessed, if everyone received it would became normal and not a blessing, do you get me? And love is one of those...

Anonymous said...

It's not for everyone, and I am so sick of people who don't know you and are in a different place in life passing judgement like they know anything about you. Bitter, schmitter. I live in the real world, honey. There's nothing more frustrating or insulting than to have to deal with someone who has no trouble attracting a man or woman (or both, so there) trying to force a catch-all (and usually wrong) solution as to have confidence. Right. Because that what someone wants in a significant other and want others to stare at: their "confidence".

Anonymous said...

You have to understand that sometimes it isn't the negativity that make people think that love isn't for them, but that for some people, love is seen as an escape that some don't buy into.

Some people try really hard and never get anywhere with love, so assume that perhaps love is just superficial.

If you are in a relationship, of course you are going to see people not in one as "negative", but look through the lens of the people who cannot obtain love or perhaps don't see Love in the same way. It doesn't mean they cannot love, but it is hard to feel love when others make it out as though it is essential to life (it isn't).

Confidence is something we are wired to like, because it is a social norm, but sometimes people don't like having labels like that, so if someone doesn't or cannot cater to the social norms, does this mean that "they cannot love because they don't have charisma"? Of course not. The status quo shouldn't always be catered to.

I have met people who cannot find love but are still positive about life, because Love is just something people try to add in their lives but if you can't get it? So what? Just live your life without love. It makes a lot of things simpler such as less money to spend on another person, or doing your own things without restrictions.

Apologies for the rant, but I disagree that people who can't find love are negative. Some are jaded sure, but some just don't see it like people in a relationship do, (i.e: non essential to living a happy life), it helps, but isn't the end of the world. To act like it is, just displays the social norms will never change to cater to people who never get into a relationship (asexuality), or can't find love as the right person is not in their area.

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