Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Go Go Go!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012
A little overwhelmed these days.  It's somewhat tough juggling the many hats I put on of wife, sister, cousin, daughter, friend, professional.  All of a sudden it seems like something from every one of those hats needs my attention and needs it urgently, anyone else feel that way at this stage of their life?  This is a very funny stage.  I almost wish I could go back to my days in uni even though as I type this right now I couldn't really tell you what those days consisted of - what DID I do with my time?

Bo and I have been going through a challenging time lately.  He's so busy right now working on a project and comes home at about 10pm and I'm so busy at work I don't even walk into my home until at least 9pm.  We spend what I call tired minutes together - plop down in front of the tv, have some dinner, pretend we're going to spend quality time in front of the tv, fall asleep on the couch in about 5 minutes flat!  It would actually be quite funny if it well...if it wasn't!  In between my little cousin would call to gist about her boyfriend issues, my mother-in-law would require me to send some recipe, I make sure the cook has made something appropriate for dinner, I make sure the cleaner has her cheque, I get to the gym to workout, it's really exhausting!  Most worrying of all though, of course, is trying to find the time to have quality time with my hubby.  It's quite frustrating.  In the beginning of our marriage I told Bo that my biggest fear is that people drift apart in marriage because of how easy it is to just start living separate lives, where a couple spends 95% of their time outside of each other.  To me the easiest path to that for us is work.  It got so worrying for me last week friday, that I just had to leave everything to God, saying my golden prayer about God teaching us how to best love each other, to keep each other fulfilled.  Sometimes things in life get in the way and one can only cling to the third person in the relationship, i.e God, to hold the reins until something eases up.

The good news though is that we both love our jobs, love what we do, and feel so fulfilled doing it.  I'm really proud that we go against the grain in many aspects.  I'm also really at peace in my heart that apart from being spouses to each other, and lovers, we are such great friends.  Glad about this because at times like these when energy is spent elsewhere, our basic love, affection, admiration, hangs on to that thread of friendship.  A few days ago I was fortunate to get out of the office rather early at 7pm and headed to a restaurant for drinks with a friend, I get a text message from Bo:

Babes...how's it going?  I miss you, isn't the restaurant going to close soon?
That brought a smile  to my face.  It's not a terribly big deal but it does make me happy that my husband misses his wife!

Regarding the previous two posts, thanks to all commenters.


Anonymous said...

Now imagine how 'exhausting' life is for someone who doesn't have a cook, doesn't have a cleaner and doesn't have a job they love.

MPB said...

@anonymous the richest, most privileged person on earth is allowed to have bad days, doesn't mean they are ungrateful or clueless.

@kemi hope things ease up for you guys soon, thank God for sweet texts.

sweetandsensible :) said...

My potential long term 'boo' is an investment banker, which means 6am days and 11pm nights a lot of times, even weekends and this really worries me, ive never thought of myself as needing a lot of attention but im constantly frustrated with the whole thing, sometimes im just not sure, im pretty busy myself but not as much, i never thought it would be like a deciding factor, there's a part of me that wonders if i should just be with someone 'less ambitious' I worry, will we spend time together, will we have weekends together, will he be bored if he has a less intense job.........you seem to be handling Bo being so busy very well, me-not so much, can you give me a perspective.

Kemi said...

@Anonymous, I do, believe me I do! I'm fortunate I know. But we also work really hard to be able to maintain ourselves and we give up a lot of things that make others happy to be able to be able to have things that make us sane. I'm blessed and I know it, but so are you! :-)

@MPB, thank you! Sometimes all we have to go on are sweet texts isn't it?

@sweetandsensible, I'm not so sure I'm handling it very well, I'm just really determined and committed to make it work. It IS really hard and I think it is a positive step that you already recognize that this is a challenge. I look at it this way, nobody's perfect, every spouse, yourself and myself also come with baggage and you have to decide what baggage you want to live with. Look at it as you being on an island and you want to get to land and there are several boats available. These are your options:
Boat 1- has ambition, loneliness, success, stability, inflexibility, above average provision
Boat 2 - has infidelity, fun, spontaneity, alcoholism, romance, living paycheck to paycheck
Boat 3 - has lack of ambition, stability, fidelity, boredom, no sex drive, average life

It's only up to you to decide which boat you want to get into! Being aware of what your boat contains is important, after that, just get in and stay committed to making it the best till you get to shore!

Anonymous said...

Again your stories do not add up, u have said on several occasions that u cannot cook, so how does ur mother in law get/need recipes from u? The same mother in law u passively aggressively said u r not close to. Hmmm sometimes I read ur blog just to waste my time. Now u r complaining of working too much, not to u say u wan rich? Abeg carry waka.

Kemi said...

@Anonymous - LMAO! I literally just spilled my coffee laughing out loud. You sound so frustrated. I'm sorry to frustrate you :-( although I do believe that I'm probably not the source of your frustration. Please don't take it out on me!

First, I think you should go back and read my earlier posts, the beginning ones, so you get a good idea of what this blog is, and what it isn't. It may help your confusion a little bit.

1. You sound like I said I made up my own Martha Stewart recipe I came up with while driving my porsche around Banana Island waiting for my Indonesian spa lady to come massage my foot. Ha! Chill, lady. Check these posts out and update yourself: http://tillmydyingday.blogspot.com/2010/10/yum-baby.html

2. I talk about my mother-in-law sparingly (mostly because she probably would read this blog lol) but you can read about the times I mentioned her here http://tillmydyingday.blogspot.com/2010/03/countdowns.html and here http://tillmydyingday.blogspot.com/2009/06/now-what.html I don't know whose blog you are reading and reacting to but it's not mine. I have a healthy relationship with my in-laws, I think they are great people, and they are blessings in my life. Sorry to disappoint you.

3. Yes, I want to be comfortable. I want to be successful with life and with career. And yes, it's hard work. What's so shocking?

I'm really chuckling here. Give it up already! Why are some so determined to tear me down because I seem happy and blessed? Just looking for a crack in the mirror to say "AHA! SEE!" Word of advice, don't look so hard - i'm over stressed, over-worked, broke, sometimes lonely because my husband and I work long hours, don't have many friends, romance does not come naturally to my husband, and gosh....my faith has stumbled far more often than it should have. Does it make it all seem better for you? STILL, I am blessed beyond belief, I'm God's favored child, HE loves me tremendously and shows it, and I'm spoilt beyond what I deserve of His mercy, grace, and kindness.

J'lo said...

Hello Kemi,

I have been reading your blog for so long but this is my first time commenting :-)

I enjoy the way your write and I am really happy for you and Bo! I agree with you on many levels. You are genuine and I don't believe you sugar coat things. My Boo and I have been together for almost seven years and I can relate with a lot of things you write.

It is unfortunate though that some people cannot understand/appreciate that you are blessed and in a beautiful relationship.

Some people in our society have distorted ideas of how couples should be/behave, they cannot fathom that it is POSSIBLE to be married and genuinely happy and SO IN LOVE with one's spouse. Such people always look for ways to run down what is so beautiful and sincere. But the truth is they are just fighting their own insecurities and ignorance!

I will just like to say, just keep doing your thing. In your own way, you are an inspiration!

From some of the comments on your blog, you obviously know that some people are just waiting for negative stories. Stay prayerful. Pray, pray, pray and pray some more.

God who has started this good work in you and Bo will always be with you and he will complete it.

Enjoy! :-)

Miss Onakz.... said...

@ Anon 2, your comment really gave me a laugh. Life itself is filled with inconsistencies. This is just a blog of a young lady choosing to share her life with us. It cant't be all rosy or all thorns, it's a combination of both.

Very well done and thank you so much Kemi for sharing with us.

Anonymous said...

Great responses Kemi. very gracious

Anonymous said...

Great blog

Anonymous said...

Lol wow

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