Yes I know the nature of his career but it just doesn't get any easier. I have an over active imagination and every time he tells me he has to travel somewhere my heart sinks. I then start steeling myself and reassuring myself in my faith, God is the only one I can cling to. I actually hate him traveling domestically more than internationally but the fear is still there all the same. Apart from that, I miss my beau so very much. This trip has been weirdly very emotional for me. From yesterday I started the process of steeling myself and then this morning when he actually had to leave for the airport I started getting very misty eyed. Bo was very amorous and kept on telling me he wished I was traveling with him as well. Then he'd give me a kiss and tell me "I love you too much". He did this several times. We also do this thing where I say "I love my husband very much" and he'd respond "well tell my wife she is loved and cherished". So we did that. When the taxi that was taking him to the airport arrived, I asked that he say a prayer like we always do whenever we're about to travel. I was already quite emotional at this point but then in his prayer my beau says,
...And Lord, for my wife that I'm leaving do keep her safe and protect and comfort her. I know what she means to me in my life and I thank you for her love and life...
I don't know why but the tears came and I tried to hold it in but as I opened my eyes after the prayers the tears just fell. I don't know. I felt, little old me. Imperfect old me. And this wonderful, loving human being, sounding so heartfelt and sincere, asking God to please keep his wife. Now this is amazing. I'm going to cry again just remembering how special I felt.
I imagine this is one of the rituals of wifehood. I imagine all happily married women, certainly the newlywed ones, have watched their husband go off on some trip and felt literally like their hearts have been ripped open and packed right along with the luggage. I think there's a time you realize, my gosh, all I have is walking right out that door and into an airplane somewhere and I'm not that easily accessible to him if anything goes wrong. Especially for Nigerian wives, certainly. I mean I even feel that responsibility whenever Bo gets sick. I think to myself, "what would I do? what would I say? who would I go to?" This I think is one of the magic experiences of wifehood. This panic and responsibility for another soul who's so intrinsically linked to yours.
I can't even begin to think about what it'd be like when we have kids...!