Close Call/No One Tells You

How come no one tells you that relationships are a lot more than those Fabio-covered Hallequin romance novels?

I must have chosen a really interesting time for me to start this blog because my relationship right now keeps getting hit just from nowhere! But I'm glad to say we're fine and still ticking :-) If you will recall, a few posts ago, I mentioned that Bolaji and I had a little disagreement and I felt confused and he felt hurt? And then I updated with how we've kissed and made up? So just a couple of days ago, my babe calls me and says "how do you think our relationship is going?" Hmmm, with my heart racing I tell him what is in my heart. I'm thinking, what is he trying to get at? and the panic is building inside of me. See we always have what I call "relationship check-ins" that is when we just talk about our relationship so far and if there are anything either party does, or has done in recent times that are not so....endearing. I love this talks because we get to connect, and there's a chance to air out concerns or grievances in a calm, loving way. To anyone reading out there, COMMUNICATION IS KEY! I really believe in it.

Anyway, so after airing my mind to Bolaji, he takes a deep breath.....(suspense right?), he takes a deep breath and says, well, there are some things I've realized that I haven't dealt with. He goes on to tell me about something I said to him a while back. He said it's always stuck with him and he just wants to kinda talk about it and understand where I was coming from. After talking to him for a while I just started getting upset internally. Not because of anything he said, but I was wondering why did he have to bring this up now? why not a while ago? To make matters worse, I was so tired and it was truly late and I had an early morning the next day, so I just told him I wanted to go sleep. I knew that would create some tension as we've been very good with not "letting the sun set on anger". The next morning Bolaji emailed me and texted me but I just didn't feel like talking. I guess I was retreating to myself. Now if there's anything about my babe, he is not happy with just staying angry, he says that's not good enough and always wants to talk things through and figure it out. So he called me and called me and I finally picked up. He was sooo freaked out and worried that I was shutting him out and was thinking of ending the relationship.

I don't even know why I got really upset and confused at the conversation. I have no clue. I felt like I needed space and I have to admit I started to think to myself of why am I in this and am I happy, I can still break it off....all this weird thoughts. I know its not really about Bolaji, I don't know if it's the distance, this is the longest we've been apart. We just talked and he kept on reassuring me of his love and commitment and said "Baby, I want to be with you for the rest of my life". That made me smile. :-) I love him very much, I don't know where this freakout came from.

Anybody else out there, when your relationship became REALLY serious and it became evident that a proposal or marriage was in the offing soon, did you get nervous and freak out about it all? Two girlfriends of mine did so I know it's not so rare. But Bolaji did something really bad though during our conversation, he told me he had gone to his parents over the weekend to tell them he is going to propose to me. After that, I just went "la la la la i don't want to hear any more, no more, if it's about marriage, proposal, ring, i don't want to hear anymore". lol. He said before he proposed and I said yes and we began this journey, he just wanted to make sure it was started on a fresh footing and everything in his heart was out and everything in my heart was out, so nothing would be holding us back. Which is reasonable.

I was just thinking about it this morning though, isn't it true that when something good is about to happen in our lives, the devil just finds a way to mess it up? I have a great man whom I love, he loves me, we've had this wonderful relationship for the past 2 years and never had a fight really, never raised voices ever, and I've been wanting to marry and anxious for a ring and when it all seems about to happen, a freakout over something simple. I have to be extremely prayerful methinks.