Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Tuesday, June 2, 2009
So one of the real reasons for me to start this blog is to be able to muse over some of the less than pretty things or the too overly mushy things. Things that maybe I don't want to admit to myself yet or not.

Anyway, this morning I little bug came to sit on my shoulders and I'm feeling like I've got to bug Bolaji and to talk about it and figure it out. What's this bug you ask? Well, this time away is starting to make me realize something that I haven't really thought deeply about. Whenever we meet new people, I find that inevitably someone would ask me about how whether we've decided to settle in Lagos or not. I usually just say well, "Bolaji loves it but me I'm not so in love with it anymore" and I just let the conversation end there.

I mean we've talked about it before. I told him some of my fears with living in Nigeria and raising a family in Nigeria. I told him of how I've only lived abroad (until two years ago) and identify more with there than I do Nigeria. I told him how I want my children to have a similar upbringing as me with all what I perceive the benefits to be: diversity, encouragement to challenge authority, exposure to different endeavours (i don't want I want to be a doctor, lawyer children lack of imagination), and I told him how I want my girl child experiencing all the stereotypes women experience in Nigeria. I even told Bolaji that if we lived in London we'd have a slightly different relationship. In Nigeria too many people are involved all the time and feel they have the right to dictate where and when our relationship should go. I'm not saying its wrong, I'm just saying I've spent my entire life outside of Nigeria so I don't really connect with it like others do. Bolaji of course told me his side. He likes the Nigerian community. He likes the studiousness of a Nigerian child. He likes the opportunity to build wealth. Nigeria is home to Bolaji. And that morning as we talked, we didn't resolve anything. I just thought to myself, I would follow this man to wherever and together we'd make it home.

You see now, on this trip, now, this bug comes to land on my shoulder. I love this life. This is what I know. The easy going, lego-world of this foreign land. I miss it. I walked through the park today. Such a lovely day. Everyone went leisurely about their business, some even greeting me nicely and vice versa. There were some young teenagers having a picnic and there were some students with their teacher and a fireman, with the fireman letting some of the boys use their hose. I saw a couple each riding one of those double pedal bikes. The woman was in front and her daughter was in the back, both peddling and giggling trying to keep the bike in order. Same with the man, he had his other daughter on the back peddling as well. It was beautiful and so calm. I don't see things like that in Lagos. That's what I want. I very hippy happy family doing whatever they damn well please. So I start thinking to myself, can I really be happy with Bolaji in Nigeria forever??? Is this what I really want? Do I have to give up the way of life I want for the way of life he wants? How do we find a compromise with this? Is there a compromise. When the time comes, will we just decide there IS no compromise?

All these thoughts reel through my head. I just bow my head and pray to God. He can make a way where there seems no way.



I definitely understand the concerns you raise. Its the little and large things that make such a transition extremely difficult, especially when you have children.

Wow, I don't know what to say, but wish your family the best of luck, whatever choice you all make.

And, may I say. I like this blog. Good stuff.

downtheaisle said...

From this post, I have a whole new post in my head already. I have often times thought of how to balance my choices,hubby's choices, our ambitions etc,and this thing called compromises and submission with Love and committment.

I have traveled on this road before, as much as possible I didn't want to impose or be selfish and likewise I didn't want to end up regretting my decisions anyway, I can't exactly say I compromised afterall, I think I did more of praying and heart-to-heart discussions. But in all, we are still constantly asking God where he wants us to be.That's the most important thing! God is the most important factor! dat I believe so so much.

O'Dee said...

Been here, still am.

Like downdaisle said, its bout onstantly asking God where he wants us to be.

yankeenaijababe said...

I know that feeling in your mind, Lagos is entirely different but depending on your area, you might still be able to enjoy some luxuries. Love is a two way thing, I understand completely where you man is going, I grew up in Lagos and then relocated for studies abroad, I think he wants your chidren to have the correct foundation required for every Nigerian child, his mind is not opting for the leisure aspect as of now..things might change if you talk to him about it sweetly. Am guessing you might just work things out with him and spend time with your children to be in the fun places in Lagos.

Did you hubby grow up in Naija as in has he never lived abroad?

yankeenaijababe said...

I forgot to add that prayer is key in all, keep if first and God will direct you.

Kemi said...

Oh, you guys are the best! I'm glad to hear that many of you go through the same thoughts. That makes me feel less worried somehow :-)

@ync - he grew up in Naija but spent about 10 years abroud before moving back.

I do believe God will clear the path and direct us. Thanks everyone.

Anonymous said...

yea, once again God...and compromise after seeking God..

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